#She still has the PTSD and you think her mom being all nice now is just gonna fix everything

[chaoticnerdsstuff]

imma be defending Red idc

[crazylittlejester]

(I apologize in advance because this'll be a long one for I have so much to say)

Malon proposed to Time and it was the cutest thing ever and it made Time so red he thought he caught a fever.

Warriors may look thin, but that man could easily carry both Time and Twilight (with their armor on) without breaking a sweat. My man swings a huge ball and chain around that could easily be a few hundred pounds, he's shredded beneath those clothes.

Twilight has both the triforce of courage and power, and often uses the blessing from the triforce of power more often.

Hyruke has all three segments of the triforce. He uses the blessing from the triforce of wisdom the most.

Wild does not have a triforce price, neither does Flora, as in their era the triforce has been hidden away in the sacred realm.

All the Zeldas are taller than their Link. Even if by an inch, they are taller (With the biggest height difference being between Time and Lullaby, as she towers him by a good foot. The hardest to see is Sky and Sun, as she is only an inch taller.)

Four has a fear of every insect except for spiders, which makes him the only Link to not have arachniphobia.

Legend has fist fought a child before. No I will not elaborate.

If sleepy or pissed off, both Twilight and Warriors shift into their native tongues (I like to think Ordon is based in an Eastern European country, so I will happily be spreading my Hungarian Twilight agenda thank you very much.)

The most passive aggressive person in the group is Sky, as he gets tired of being all nice when somebody is being a prick but doesn't want to be outright rude.

Wind thinks Time's and Twilight's facial markings are cool and wants his own.

Time is short and his boots make him taller. He is around the same height as Sky without them, and Malon is taller than him too. It's because the lost forest didn't really have enough food for him to grow properly, so he's short now.

Wind, Warriors, and Time all have some sort of PTSD relating to the FD mask. (Warriors nearly died during battle because a possessed young Time didn't realize he was a friend and not a foe. Wind was forced to wear it once during battle and doesnt want to be near it after the pain it cause him. Time is basically fusing with the Deity with how often he wore it in his youth.)

Wild is not fully mortal and is considered half dead, so certain beings either like him or hate him more for it. (Fairies tend to avoid him while spirits tend to trust him).

Four can still see the Minish despite being considered to old to. They sometimes help if the chain gets lost.

Hyrule is not the field medic, it's actually Legend and Warriors.

Sky talks about Sun so much that everybody assumed they were already married. It surprised everyone when he revealed they weren't engaged yet.

During the events of the story, Malon is pregnant with her and Time's first child. The child is born after Time returns permanently, and it is Twilight's mom!

Everybody has cuddled Twilight, either it be when he was Wolfie or not, he has been cuddled.

Warriors is his Ganondorf's son, and the only ones to know is Time, Wind and Twilight. Wild somewhat knows due to the ruins he and Flora once found from his era, though he isn't quite sure.

Wild is not the only foodie in the group. All the boys can eat their own weight and not gain a single pound afterwards. They all love food and love trying different dishes from all places.

Certain Hyrules have myths and folklore about monsters we know about (such as ghouls, vampires, werewolves and such). For example, Hyrule thought Twilight was a werewolf after learning he was Wolfie and kept placing silver objects on top of him while he was on bedrest. (Which did nothing since Twilight isn't a werewolf.)

Hylia heavily favors Wild and Sky the most out of all the boys. (Since I like the idea of BOTW and TOTK being direct sequels to SS instead if further down the timeline)

Dark Link is an amalgamation of all the Link's darkest desires. He also has the ability to shift into any of the others if he focused enough of his energy to do so.

Twilight has committed cannabilism before. His wolfish instincts got the better of him, and the guy was trying to hurt Legend. Legend hasn't spoken about it since the incident, and only they know.

All the Links have eaten something inedible and every time they do it infront of Malon she does the clutching her pearls gesture and it's really cute.

I have so many more but I'm to tired to continue. I hope you're taking care of yourself ♥

You have no need to apologize I absolutely LOVE reading people’s headcanons, feel free to stop by my ask box and tell me ur headcanons whenever you’d like :)

1. I firmly believe this was the case, Malon absolutely proposed to him. I also believe she can pick him up and carry him around

2. I have a post I’m planning on making soon about body types but I am a FIRM believer that just because Warriors is thin doesn’t mean that man isn’t strong. He’s incredibly thin looking, the kind of guy you’d assume you can see his ribs, and people underestimate his strength because of it. Yes, physically there isn’t a whole lot of him, but that’s because he has very low body fat because it’s all muscle. To me he has a build similar to female ballet dancers. Very small and you wouldn’t assume he’s capable of much if you just saw him out and about, but when he’s in his element, NO ONE doubts his strength

3. EVERY ZELDA IS TALLER THAN EVERY LINK REAL. Personally I think Sky and Sun are like the same exact height from a distance, but if you look real close, she’s taller

4. The concept that Four is the only one who wouldn’t scream and absolutely loose it at the sight of a spider made me laugh. I wholeheartedly agree with you on that one

5. Legend vs. Child (chid won)

6. Hungarian Twilight is super cool! I really like that headcanon :)

7. Sky is FOR SURE the most passive aggressive because all the others would probably get at least a LITTLE snappy but Sky would whip out a customer service voice but there would be no light in his eyes

8. Wind absolutely asked for a face tattoo and Time definitely had to shut him down.

9. THE IDEA THAT TIME IS WALKING AROUND WITH LIKE 3 INCHES OF HEEL IN HIS BOOT IS HILARIOUS. I personally think he’s about 5’8 and roughly Malon’s height in Jojo’s au, but for my own interpretation of him He Is 5’5.

10. I have a headcanon that Wild’s eyes are more of a glowly sheika blue since he was brought back. I think there’s probably something slightly off about him that gives people and animals an uncanny sense about him, even though he’s very sweet and nice, something about him just feels odd

11. Four can always see the minish, I firmly believe that

12. WARRIORS IS THE FIELD MEDIC AND I’LL DIE ON THAT HILL. Sure the others know basic first aid and such, but Warriors has the most medical knowledge and training, though I like to think he teaches what he knows to Hyrule because Hyrule is curious

13. My personal headcanon is that Twilight is Time’s great grandson, but Time lived long enough to be able to meet his son’s daughter, who is Twilight’s mom. I like to think Twilight’s mom would’ve sung him songs she learned from Malon

14. Twilight is definitely one of the more cuddly members of the group, he’s definitely down for hugs you just gotta ask him first

15. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a headcanon that Wars is Ganondorf’s son but that’s cool! I headcanon that his father died in the army💀💀💀 He just gives me absent/dead father energy

16. I think Hylian folklores and myths are definitely wildly different throughout the eras, and it probably extended to the heroes as well! Like imagine an ‘Old Hylian Myth’ and it basically says that Sky is a giant or something and the others all meet this great hero of the skys and he’s 5’4

17. I can imagine Malon being like “Wild what are you making?” and he just goes “Monster parts stew :3”

I loved reading all of these! I hope you’re taking care of yourself as well :)

[saturday-byte]

Hope this doesn’t bother you a lot, but can we get some headcanons of the teachers? I was curios about ur vision for them

Dw it doesn't bother me !! I love getting asks ^^

Anyway it's going under read more bc this feels like a long one

Sketch

• she/they enby, omnisexual (<- me when I'm projecting)

• mentor figure for the newer teachers

• gives drawings and crafts as gifts, might or might not have various voodoo dolls

• uses Colin as a monitor for digital art

Tony

• he/him, bisexual

• you CANNOT tell me he doesn't drink tea 24/7. Most British mf I have ever seen

• weird hearing, very sensitive to loud sounds but can barely hear normal talking tones. Applies to his own voice too so that's why he screams a lot

• kind of an inferiority complex for the decaying use of clocks over technology lol

Shrignold

• gay and homophobic idgaf

• aware of the harm he's doing but genuinely loves his cult- "family" a lot

• likes telenovelas, granny type of beat

Colin

• he/it Libramasc, pansexual (here I am, projecting once again)

• has haphephobia but is working on it (this one might as well be canon idk)

• everyone has a computer day, so even if you see him every day you only get screentime once a year

• autism 🫵

• his tail is retractable

• has SO MANY viruses, that's why he glitches and talks slow

Healthy band

• doing them all together bc how can you think of them alone :[ don't separate them

• common fanon of them being a family ykn the drill

• their "birthday" (or date of release lol) is actually fridge and steaks anniversary

• depending on the day they either make the most rancid bizarre food or a 5 stars, Gordon Ramsay approved meal

• running on the same luck, fridge can either be filled with normal groceries, nothing (you have to buy groceries) or gore. Like those are his guts leave him alone

• everyone hiding inside fridge is apparently a normal bonding experience

• bread boy is transfem !! (Should we start calling her something different?)

• spinach is also a she/they enby, nobody in here isn't lgbtq

Lamp

• he/him but doesn't really care, pansexual

• has been trying to be sober but he's already very fucked up, that's why he's like That™ in the TV show

• the other teachers we see in his episode are his party friends

• absolutely watches the others dreams, likes to bother them about what they mean

★ ok now the TV show ones

Briefcase

• has an absurd amount of skills, barbie kind of ridiculous

• lives with his brother and sustains them both

• workaholic

• was mr.petersons before red guy

• actually not that bad he's just really fast paced, genuinely just lost the trio on the fabric

Coffin

• he/him goth gf <3

• doesn't like music AT ALL. And is very mean about it

• besties with the tissue box !!

• originally only used his hush tone for work but it slowly morphed into his normal voice

• pretty bad PTSD

• very kind with kids and people in general tbh, it might be something useful for his job but it's just how he is really

Lily and Todney

• I don't think about them a lot sorry

• they know what they are doing and that their whole family dynamic is pretty fucked but they genuinely just really want a mom tho ,,,

Warren the wo-Eagle

• genuinely just hate him so I don't think about him a lot either lol

• had no power over the trio because he was fired and not technically a teacher anymore

• his whole Thing (ykn) comes from bullying and a feeling of inferiority. He still sucks tho

Mr.Transport

• well. I guess I just don't think a lot about the newer teachers

• was actually a really nice teacher before still going to work at 120 years old

• nobody really liked him but he was the other's only way of going outside the house so they endured him

• there was a fight over his will. People died

Electracey

• she/they enby n°3, lesbian

• really scared to touch her batteries now, has caused her to get cranky but still refuse to change them until forced

• puts up light shows for her friends

• huge sci-fi and videogames in general fan

• Colin's cousin. Actually all electronics are related

• wanted to be a music teacher but her biology said no

★ this is more of a general one but all of them are somewhere in the aroace spectrum !! I think it comes with the object nature. I have not defined where all of them fall tho

That's it I think. This is so long I am so sorry I just enjoy them a lot so I have a lot of thoughts

[whymustyouhurtmeinthisway]

Ok, I gotta admit it, that ending was sick as fuck. Alucard’s return is a somewhat flagrant bit of fanservice, but it was still cool. I’m very excited for the second season, and the establishing of setups and dynamics brings me back to something I loved about the original Netflix Castlevania series.

I like all the new characters, with particular favourites being Olrox (I mean, how could you not love him), Drolta (every single outfit she wore slayed harder than anything has ever slayed), Annette (I adore both metalbending characters and Haitian culture, how could I not like her), and Édouard (I love what’s being set up with him, if we could get our first night creature protagonist all my dreams would come true. Also his design fucking rules).

Some honourable mentions would be Tera (First time in a while I’ve seen a certified Action Mom in a show like this, I enjoy her involvement, I wasn’t expecting it) and Mizrak (his struggles with loyalty and faith were very interesting, and I enjoy him and Olrox together. Also it’s nice to see a full-on martial fighter in this team full of spellcasters).

Now onto some sore points:

I liked Richter enough, but he just didn’t stick with me very much. He seemed very much like Trevor Lite, similar humour and rudeness as Trevor, but a bit dulled. While in concept his PTSD towards Olrox is interesting, in practice it’s a bit underwhelming. I do like his magical brawler fighting style though, it’s pretty cool.

As for Maria, I liked her fighting style and backstory with her parents, but in terms of her own personality, I didn’t really find much there. She bears little complexity of her own, her familial dynamics being the entire reason for her existence, and I’m never the hugest fan of when characters are only interesting because of their relationship with someone else.

Finally, my only real other complaint would be the main antagonist. Erzsabet is hyped up to the moon and back as this fantastical deity of bloodshed, but in reality I didn’t find her very interesting at all. Unlike Dracula, Carmilla, and her own right-hand woman Drolta, she has absolutely no swag, no style, no reason to look at her and go “This is a villain worth watching.” Quite honestly, before things were fully explained, I thought Drolta was the vampire messiah, and honestly I think that would’ve worked much better. Drolta has passion, style, a real sense of love for the game, meanwhile Erzsabet is nowhere near her level. She’s certainly creepy and uncomfortable, but not really any more than your average vampire. I hope she shapes up in the second season, as she’s looking rather sauceless as things stand.

Anyways, whinging aside, that first season was excellent, and i’m very excited for season 2.

[dzpenumbra]

2/26/23

I didn't get a lot of sleep today. I woke up early. I think I had intense dreams, again, don't remember. I got up and was going to pass out in the comfy chair, but just decided to stay up.

I finally got a bookcase. It was delivered yesterday. I spent a big chunk of the day putting it together, and fixing up the old table I got from my brother and sister in law. So... for the first time since my move-in in mid December... I started to unpack my stuff.

For years and years, I lived in my old house with stuff still in boxes in the living room. Like... 80% of my possessions just sitting in cardboard boxes in my living room. I had 3 empty closets and tons of space to put stuff. And I just... I couldn't figure out why my house was so messy! And I couldn't figure out the subconscious logic behind the boxes.

Now... it's starting to make more sense. As I finally make deliberate different choices, the contrast is starting to make sense. I'm making this place my home. I'm settling in.

The irony? The bookcase that my mom got me is designed to be foldable... so that it's easier for me... when I inevitably move. Like... even she is subconsciously aware of this, and hasn't connected the dots on why all my shit has been in boxes for years.

Why would I unpack? I might have to leave overnight. I might get my financial funding pulled. I might get evicted. I might <insert PTSD disaster scenario here>.

I remember back in like... 2016? 2017? My former best friend and her husband were like... showing off their bug-out bags to me, and talking about how they were like... because of the "tension with China"? or something? Ready to dip out in a moment's notice. Well... I mean, they'd be able to dip out for like... a few days... The rest of their stuff would be fucked if they left it.

But me? The majority of my precious possessions would just need to have the box they're stored in taped shut and put in a vehicle. My entire house is a bug-out bag. XD And it has been for a very long time. Ever since I moved off my parents property.

I came back from college and moved into my parents' property, above a 2-car garage. I actually moved in there, I made it a home and everything. When my ex and I "decided" to live together... aka when I decided to move... I wanted to make that a home as well. I tried to. But I wanted to make it a home with her. Together. But she was... obsessed with "work". Obsessed with making money. Obsessed with being "productive". Obsessed with paying off these mysterious debts that she never talked about, never showed me, never... oh boy... big red flags there, eh? Well, you know... you try to be nice and not pry when people seem really anxious and insecure and uncomfortable... and they just really take advantage of that, don't they? Yikes.

So... I got her a job. Through family connections. A great job, at a cool place. And she spent all her time there, and like no time with me. And when she got home, she'd just go in the spare room that was supposed to be my art studio... but became reserved for her second work-from-home job. And she'd just go work a shift there. And I'd take care of the dogs, and cook dinner, and play games and watch TV. And we'd just like... never really do shit together. We would play games sometimes - Diablo 3, Minecraft, League of Legends, Starbound, Starcraft 2 - I taught her from scratch, she got pretty good. But she would get frustrated and just drop it after a while. Work always took center stage. Despite rent being completely covered for her. Despite all her bills being taken care of. Despite never discussing a plan and refusing to discuss budgeting. Despite me giving her basically all of my savings to help her pay off her debts.

I know that in the future, if I see that, I need to be more suspicious. It feels unkind to do so, and I really don't know how to be... careful? Self-protective? In a way that is respectful. In the sense that... I err waaaaaay too far onto the side of self-sacrificing, yielding, etc. Giving way too much benefit of the doubt. But I'm not going to crack that nut tonight.

Because of this massive rift she was creating, how busy she was intentionally keeping herself, we had less and less in common, less and less shared. That, combined with her odd paradoxical obsessions with wanting to stay in a relationship with me, but being obsessed with the concept of "independence"... she ended up enslaving herself. And blaming me.

I didn't deserve the blame. I was just trying to create a home. A life. A shared home. A shared life. (again, a goal that... apparently... due to her obsession with independence... she did not share and did not disclose.) I put the development of that home on hold until she was ready to participate. And the place was cavernously empty for like 2-3 years. Because I was just... waiting. Waiting for her to make up her mind. She started to rent her own apartment on the side, while "living" in my house. We would fight regularly and she would retreat to her apartment. That went on for months. If only I had a good friend to like... sit down and tell me that was... really not normal. And that what she was doing behind the scenes... was not worth giving her dozens of second chances for. That I deserved much better.

All the while, the majority of my possessions were being stored above my parents' garage, still waiting to be moved in. And... my mom started renovating it. And she told me to get my stuff out of there, but I didn't really have a place to put it. I didn't want the clutter in the main room to upset my ex or make the place feel like... like it wasn't a home. I didn't want to store my stuff in "our" empty, unused studio space, which eventually just turned into... her spare bedroom while we were mildly fighting. Barren, dark and haunted when she retreated to her apartment when the fights got bigger.

After the breakup, and a long mourning period because this breakup synced up with some very tragic deaths, I reclaimed my possessions from my above parents' garage. That's where the boxes came from. The dreaded boxes. That's when the boxes started.

A lot of my possessions were covered in a coat of drywall dust. Splattered with paint and stuff. It... sucked. It hurt. Like... my college degree was damaged in that process. Whatever an art degree from a state college is worth in fucking 2023. And it hurt a lot. And I blamed myself. I didn't really feel like I had a choice, and it wasn't my fault, I was the victim there... but... I blamed myself. I salvaged what I could, which was a lot. But I left a lot of it there, and I wouldn't be too surprised if it was just kinda gone now. Things with my family were... shockingly horrible at that period in time. Surreally transforming. I think it was mostly because of my older brother getting married, big life transition growing pain kinda stuff. People don't tend to really understand that even big good things can also be traumatic, it's all in how it's processed and what it does to you. And I really think that's what was going on there, and no one really knew what was going on? Why they were so upset and the world was really threatening all of a sudden? (spoiler: it was big change) And I, the middle child, the black sheep, the weird dude with tattoos and camo pants and a Parkway Drive wifebeater with a peace sign on it, barefoot with stupid cheap sunglasses and a short mohawk... I'm an easy target. I'm a skateboarder. It's really fucking easy to have your boss treat you like shit and just take it, have someone cut you off in traffic and just take it, have a cop give you a stupid ticket for no reason and just take it, and then find a skateboarder skating in your parking spot and scream at them for 20 minutes about how they're going to hurt someone and "that's fucking illegal!"

I wish I wasn't used to it.

ANYWHO. Big can of worms there we're not getting into tonight... XD

So, the boxes that I brought back from my old place, from above my parents' garage, that had been there for like... a year or so already? They stayed on the floor of my main room in my old house for... 3 years? Give or take? Maybe 4? Early Summer 2019 to... Winter 2022. 3.5 years, let's go with that, split the difference.

I got a lot of shit for my stuff being there. And... I never unpacked it. I mean, I did with some of it, but like... not all of it. Just what I needed at the time.

My home did not feel like my home. Because it was never intended to be my home. That was never the plan. And I tried to make it my home. Especially during the pandemic, after I got off meds. I turned the old haunted workspace into an art/streaming studio, which was tremendously emotionally difficult and subsequently liberating. I made sure my dog knew very clearly that the futon mattress that my ex used to sleep on in the spare room was 100% hers (my dogs, that is, not my ex...), but I was going to nap on it with her sometimes because I wanted to be close to her. I reclaimed the space. The best I could.

And it was a house. But it was not a home. It wasn't my home. It was someone else's home that I was living in. And they lived on the property. And they were just... biding time until I left. Completely unaware of the severe water damage to the walls from shoddy construction. And I have no idea how they were unaware, because they were literally picking up pieces of rotting wood falling off of the walls when they were mowing the yard. But that, also, is a story for another day.

This apartment. It's... hard to tell what it is to me. Is it a transitional space? Is it... dare I say... home? At least for now?

I had no problem making a space a home for my dog and cat (who I miss so, so dearly every day), I have no problem making a space a home for a partner. Especially if it's a task we do together, building a home together. Good lord, that's an absolute fantasy of mine. I've wanted that for so long. But, apparently, I have a problem making a home for myself.

I have no problem making a home in Rimworld. Or in Minecraft, I've made tons of homes in Minecraft, and they're all very neatly organized and designed really cool and everything. I can actually see them in my head right now! The one I made in a snowy pine biome, the A-frame with the big floor to ceiling glass windows looking out over the valley. The farm house by the beach on the old modded server I played on with my ex-friend from Florida and his dad, with a big Chisels and Bits roof, and a deck looking out over the big corn and cotton and strawberry fields. With the huge sprawling dirt roads that stretched to a small coastal village with a marble train station with Chisels and Bits stained glass windows in it. The beach house I made in my last Valhelsia Vanilla world... then the starter house and the 2-story farmhouse and the massive wheat fields and Create windmill that I expanded to later... on my short lived but long-payed-for 2-player multiplayer server. Fort Saiga, with it's giant hedge maze inside the perimeter of the walls, that I built with my friend who lived in North Carolina back in like... oh good lord... this had to be... 2012? There was even a home that I built into the interior second floor of a gigantic Aztec temple that I built on the multiplayer server where I was a Mod and met my ex-Florida friend. So many homes. I'm not even going to get into Rimworld. I've almost hit 4k hours in that game. Countless homes.

So I can make a home for myself. And I enjoy it. But... I don't.

Because life is not secure for me. It's not predictable, it's not safe. I might have to pack all my shit and move in a week. My life has just... been that. That's my best guess. That's the closest I can get to unraveling this mystery right now. And I'm sure... like the mystery of my ex hiding her expenses and normalizing renting an apartment while in a live-in relationship... in about 5 years time I'm going to look back on this and see it clear as day. So here's a message to Future Me. Hi. You're kinda lucky. It's pretty spooky to be in this place. Not really knowing why shit is happening, big blank spots where there should be answers. Having all the data in front of you and not being able to piece it together.

I guess that's just... life. Right? Like... that's the point of learning, right? XD I mean, it's so damn simple but I don't think people really think about it. I hear shit like that a lot. "I don't know how to play guitar, so I'm never going to learn how to play guitar." What?! XD That's literally how learning works. I mean... no one can just... Matrix jack download information directly into their brain, it just doesn't work like that. Even if you could, you would lack context. That information would sound like gibberish, you wouldn't have the hands-on experience to apply it!

I fixed a piece of furniture today. I was warned that the legs of this table were wobbly, and the drawers were sticky. They were not wrong. I made the error of attacking this problem first, then assembling the bookshelf second, which was an error because... I didn't have a hex wrench. I always lose them. And the bookcase had one in it the whole time. Apparently people are just using the most annoying, easy to lose tool on the planet as the standard hardware now... I mean, it makes sense, it's a good design, lots of leverage, less risk of stripping screws, I get it... but hex wrenches hurt the hell out of my hands and I lose more of them than I do socks. Just sayin.

My point here is that I flipped this table over and studied the parts. Legs attached by screws with a washer and a metal ring, for spacing I guess? A wood corner piece that it screws through to hold the leg in place, on all four corners. Hex screws on all of them. So I took the legs off, checked the metal sockets on the legs to make sure they weren't loose or wobbly, seemed legit, and then screwed it back in and used pliers to get them firmly tight. That's where the hex wrench would've come in handy... Then I removed the drawers, studied the construction. Basically a piece of wood tacked to the bottom with a slot in it, and the corresponding puzzle piece attached to the table itself. I inspected the inside of this lock and key kinda mechanism and saw a lot of... some kind of residue built up. Could be anything really. So I spent a good amount of time getting sandpaper in there and just... sanding and wiping the gunk out of it. The best I could. The part attached to the table itself was easier than cleaning out the slot, but I did a pretty good job. Then I just put them back in, made sure they were aligned right and... ta-da. Not really good as new... if I actually manufactured new wooden parts for it, I would absolutely say so... but... much improved! Very stable, the drawers slide fine, don't stick.

All it took was an inquisitive mind. And a willingness to make mistakes. And to learn from, and fix those mistakes. That's all. And I learned a lot today about that, I feel much more capable of taking on other furniture projects now. Assembling the bookshelf after that felt like putting together legos compared to troubleshooting something without a manual or instructions. You know? It's a completely different experience, a different way of using your brain.

So... I guess I'm kinda hinting at... well, kinda more than hinting at, I'm kinda just saying... Maybe it's okay for me to not fully know what the deal with the boxes and making big messes everywhere is about. I'll find out in time. That doesn't mean... stop looking. That doesn't mean "never learn guitar". That doesn't mean "I'm a messy person, so fucking deal with it." It means... I don't know now because I lack that perspective. But I might in the near future. And it might teach me a lot about how to improve my life even more. It might just be a blind spot for me.

That said, I think I started to open the door on that realization today. And the ironic part, I had a live stream on most of the day of this pair of bald eagles nesting in California. Here, I'll share the link, I've been visiting a bit.

As I was sorting my stuff, putting some in storage, putting others in a more... accessible, intentional space on a bookshelf... I was kept company by a family, in their home, with their expected children. It was heartwarming, and I think encouraging.

I got a lot done, about half of the main room is in much better shape. My work space is coming up next. And my new computer desk should be arriving soon to herald that next phase of home development. My whole computer and work space is shared right now, and it's incredibly cramped. The new desk will be wonderful for computer and music stuff, writing and maybe even some drawing. Then art projects will happen on my drafting table. For now... until I can get a table that's a bit more sturdy, that ideally has a pegboard or built in tool storage included.

Until then? I'm going to have a massive pile of art supplies and tools just chillin on the floor within a reasonable arm's reach. Which... if you've ever met me in the wild - which you haven't because I'm a hermit... but... let's just use our imaginations here - is kinda just my natural state of being.

Hey, check that out, I don't even have to reset the vibes at the end of this. :) It's been a while! Have a good night!

[septembersghost]

Jess sorry I didn’t get back right away life is silly sometimes and I really felt what you said about people not seeing it as a real loss i spent months breaking down the only people who really got it where those very close to me who knew she was my light. I still can’t believe it’s going to be a year soon it’s like time has moved so fast but hasn’t moved at all.

As of right now we are fine I even get to make thanksgiving dinner which I haven’t done since 2018 but after next week we don’t know the person we are staying with was just temporary and now we have to decide if we wanna try going back to California where no one can/wants to help or stay in North Carolina and see the help they can provide. So yea i’m not sure what next week holds. I know i developed ptsd from it the compound truama has really messed me up. A funny thing of note happened after I got out when folklore came out and I heard This Is Me Trying it was just a godsend of a song, as I was going back to a bad place and it kept me going, I then spent my next therapy session breaking done the song and giving her a full on lecture on the song.

You saying all that truly means so much and it’s like fate that I come back now and reconnected with you it’s nice to know that even apart we are still in this same boat with our life jackets on holding each other up ✨💜

please don't apologize, i'm atrocious at answering or replying to things in a timely matter ever (if at all sometimes 😭), i always understand that.

it as a real loss i spent months breaking down the only people who really got it where those very close to me who knew she was my light. i feel this completely. my mom was the only person in my life who understood and it's because she was experiencing the same grief. i had multiple family members dismiss it and it made that wound even worse. we should share with each other how real and affecting that sorrow is, and why they are so irreplaceable and important to us. there's a quote of mary oliver's, and i think it applies to any of our precious furbabies: "it is exceedingly short, [their] galloping life. [they] die so soon. I have my stories of that grief, no doubt many of you do also. It is almost a failure of will, a failure of love, to let them grow old—or so it feels. We would do anything to keep them with us, and to keep them young. The one gift we cannot give." they should be allowed to live as long as we do. the love lasts even longer.

it’s like time has moved so fast but hasn’t moved at all. i feel this beyond words too, time is has become such an unreal thing to me, frozen and flying and frightening all at once, because it never feels like it's moving until it's suddenly gone.

i'm happy you'll get to have thanksgiving dinner, and the enjoyment of making it, but i'm so, so sorry you have that fear looming over you again. :( i wish i could do something for you! the uncertainty is agonizing, i will be praying and hoping you and your mom find some help and a safe place. have you contacted local housing resources/counselors? (they were useless to us, unfortunately, the system is beyond broken, so...i get why that might not be a plausible or fast enough option.)

I know i developed ptsd from it the compound truama has really messed me up. this is totally understandable and not at all a failing on your part. i'm hugging you as close as i can from afar.

this is me trying is EVERYTHING, "a godsend of a song" is 100% true. god. that song and mirrorball carried me in 2020. timt was constantly on my mind when i returned here ("i didn't know if you'd care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that"). her empathy and skill with expressing emotion and putting humanity into words...it's miraculous to me. that song can fit many different experiences for us as listeners, and each one is true. "they told me all of my cages were mental" resonates deeply for me in regards to my chronic illness (as does the whole song), and the idea of the act of trying itself being the bravest thing. "pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down" and then making the decision not to fall. i think about what jack said in folklore lpss all the time: "the idea that not driving off the cliff is an act of trying. which is almost the ultimate act of trying." and what taylor said, "i've been thinking about people who [are suffering] or they have an everyday struggle. no one pats them on their back every day, but every day they are actively fighting something. but there are so many days that nobody gives them credit for that, so how often must somebody who's in that sort of internal struggle must want to say to everyone in the room, 'you have no idea how close i am to going back to a dark place, you have no idea.' i had this idea that the first verse would be about someone who has driven to this overlook, this cliff, and it's just in the car, going, 'i could do whatever i want in this moment, and it could affect everything forever.' but that person backs up and drives home." it's just. it's so important. what she created is so unbelievably important. she gave so many of us reasons to back up and drive home. folklore is an untouchable gift, i can't EVER talk about it enough. there's a reason why it became the heart and the emblem of that year, and why it will continue to live and breathe in the world, in us.

it's beautiful that you're here and means so much to me too, thank you for being in the boat with me, making sure we have our life jackets and some stars above us, no matter how vast and tumultuous the waves of the sea might be. at least we're trying. 💙💙💙

[skylitexo]

My life

So much time has gone. So many people have exited. Some for the best and some for the worst. Things come and go. I accept it... or trying too. My mental health is unusual. One thing I take pride in is being able to is working out consistently. Losing weight effectively.. I lost 40lbs. My goal is to hit 130. I am at 138. I am building muscle right now. I went through a period where I wasn’t necessarily living last fall. I barely ate and slept. I was so exhausted. I was trying to graduate as soon as I could. Taking 18 credit hours and an internship on top of it, but I graduated.. I wanted my mom to see it... but she didn’t. She died. Then, earlier that day before she passed my boyfriend, my love.... the one that I connected with so I thought spiritually.. cheated. Not surprised, but it’s okay. I understand. He wasn’t happy with himself. He was insecure and felt the need to be a piece of shit. What a nice touch on his end. Anyway, three days later Mom.. I gIraduated after you died. It was so hard to walk across the stage.. knowing I watched you die the way you did. It was so traumatizing. I have such bad PTSD. The way it came out of your mouth... your body... the fluids.. I don’t want to say because it will scare people away. Mom I miss you. I want to call you and tell you everything. I want to tell you what Jules did to me. What he gave me. How he treated me in the end. I never saw it coming. I couldn’t believe it really, but most importantly mama. I hate coming home and seeing you not there. Where your voice doesn’t echo in the hallway. I hate seeing Todd pass out drunk on the floor almost nearly every night. Hearing Alexis cry over the phone. Her saying, “we need to be strong. It’s okay Sky. We got each other”. This is so fucked up.. all of this. I am thankful that my friend Bo, drove 7 hours to be by my side. I am thankful that Audrey was there and watched me grieve my mom the day she died. She held me, and watched my mom took her last breaths. Talking about this now is triggering. I can’t... I hate cancer. I hate missing you. I hate such bad flashbacks. It’s so triggering. Anyway, I haven’t landed a job.. I am interning still. I move away from U of I and back into my old childhood home for a few months. I have a trip planned to Cali. I been california dreaming for months. I will keep doing so... I will keep traveling the world. I don’t care about being alone. I am okay with it. At least no one will hurt me. I changed a lot as a person and overcame so much. I am stronger than I used to be. I am a deeper person. Spiritually and emotionally. Hell, looking back at all my post makes me cringe. Like why were you crying over someone like that? I a so glad I lost weight and started prioritizing myself. I am still trying to manage my mental health. My mood swings. I was in therapy for a bit and will be going back. There is some insurance issues and cancellations that had occured on their end, but I am counting down the days. Self love may not always look beautiful. It’s not about beating your face. Putting on a cute outfit or changing your hair. It’s a lot of tears, heavy workouts, sleeping, and recognizing your toxic patterns. It’s about digging deeper into yourself. It’s about seeking help when you know you need it. It’s about learning patience and understanding. It’s about putting nourishing food in your body. It’s about sleep appropriately. I could go on and on. I am trying. I will continue to try and live to the best of my ability. I don’t want to rot even though sometimes my mind tells me to disappear or to hurt myself. I am trying to control my rage, but I have and am healing... somethings I am over and some are not. It will be okay. I will be okay. I think. I hope. Also, in my next post I plan to talk about the spiritual things I have encountered before, during, and after my mom's passing. I have been “awake” for awhile now. However, I don’t want to burn one's eyes much longer with my long post. 

[isopodsoup]

Hey, so I'm gonna make an update here because this blog format means I can fit a LOT more text + information into one post which is super useful to a rambler like me.

Testing out 'read more' for the first time but TLDR: drawing is going bad and I'm being put in a mental health care facility with bad reviews about abuse and Christianity being pushed on patients (the transfer is all without my consent, too) after having a mental breakdown and having the police called

(TWS HERE AND IN TAGS) // knife, self harm, police/police tasers, mental breakdowns, racism mention

So, basically. I had a huge build up of dealing with a stupid amount of stupidity from my father in particular for almost 2 decades. I'm still not entirely sure what even happened but as far as I've managed to figure out:

I was listening to videos with headphones in my room with the door closed (as I always do in my noisy house when I want to chill) and my family wanted me to do the dishes (especially my father, ironic because he has never done dishes) and I couldn't hear anybody calling from where I was. He ran into my room and started screaming and kept screaming while I asked for an apology and for him to just ask normally because I obviously had no idea why he was suddenly so angry and I obviously hadn't just been 'ignoring' him. He kept screaming, ripped my devices and chargers out of the wall and ran off. Then, my mother turned off anything online and just ignored me.

Problem is my self sooth method is just mindless silly videos on YouTube because it blocks out noise + distracts me. So, I lost my only sooth method and had to listen to loud noises and people talking and yelling (not just about what happened, my parents are always fighting daily LOL) all while having a mental breakdown.

So uhh, I ended up cutting most of my hair off with scissors, cutting my arm with a knife and rubbing hand sanitiser in it (it's fine). Continued to the next day when nobody would tell me anything about my stuff and I had no idea what the hell was going on at this point or why I was really being punished and forced to just 'push through' a whole mental collapse after a long year of struggling and isolation finally coming back and biting me in the ass full force.

My mom walked in and tried to take the knife I had used to hurt myself when she saw it next to my pillow. Not in a nice way, as usual. She hasn't really cared about this kind of stuff for years and just insulted me for it. And... IDK man. Maybe it was the year of isolation after switching schools to one I had avoided for several years because of people there giving me likely PTSD (Likely, they said, yeah. Cause they're useless at actually screening for things) and then spiraling into a paranoid mindset basically seperate from reality (think: people are stalking me, people want to attack and assault me constantly, always in danger, anyone walking behind me was following me, etc for the whole year) and most of the students being huge bigots (Think mullets, thick NZ accents and slurs. One straight up called black people monkeys on my FIRST DAY) but I ended up holding the knife upwards instead (not at her), refusing to give it to her and kept telling her to back off? Short of pointing it at her I was trying to intimidate her away from me cause I was just so skittish and freaked out at this point. Basically, threatening my mom.

So, she had to call the mental health office I was with at the time (explained later) and eventually after she tried again to take the knife she was told to call the police. They ended up threatening me with a taser and really didn't do anything to help but that's the police for you.

Pretty much complete isolation and a few days crying and rubbing sanitiser into my left over cuts from there until my next mental health session with the office. Now, it was probably my mistake for even staying with a doctor who was obvious neurotypical (I'm autistic) just cause I felt guilty admitting I didn't like her because she always kept implying things instead of outright telling me and getting frustrated I wasn't picking up on things I literally... can't pick up? But, anyway. I ended up cancelling anymore sessions. They weren't doing anything to help me at all and really didn't seem to understand communication is a two way thing and I can't just... do whatever I want. She also was supposed to bring a doctor in to talk about testosterone with me (non-binary, transmasc) but she keeps cancelling (several months of cancelling scheduled meet ups) and never showing up so I just gave up on ever getting that part of my mental health taken care of.

But, the BIG thing is that she mentioned in that stupid implied way "is anything happening next week?" I was obviously super confused but figured it was just small talk since the session was almost over. I told her I had an exam next week but nothing else I knew about. She seemed confused about that but NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHY.

I find out AFTER the session I'm being sent to a 'place' nobody will tell me about. What it is, where it is, who is there, when I'm going, etc. Nothing. "Let's tell the person whose brain literally functions on being aware of things and told things directly with severe anxiety absolutely nothing about being sent away for "a few days" including the fact they're even being sent away! What a fantastic idea!" is some wild neurotypical mentally stable logic but here we are. They were supposed to go through paperwork with me that session for the place but they never told me ANYTHING or asked for my consent but apparently, I'm still going! Not even sure how they can do that.

I only today - after pressuring my parents - learned where I'm going. This place has 3 stars and reviews are talking about judgy staff, dismissive mindsets and the facility trying to convert the patients to christianity??

Truth be told, I'm scared. I'm terrified. I'm probably just... not going to speak to anyone as best I can and hope they'll just leave me alone but from the website that doesn't look like the case. It's probably more like staff members talking to you, monitoring you and shifting you around place all the time.

So, yeah. I don't know when I'm going to be online again. For all I know, they might take all my devices.

I don't know what to do but, I really hope this isn't goodbye. Thank you.

[crossdressingdeath]

#Leo would be relieved that he's not mad at him#but he'd also feel really guilty now that he's actually met him and seen the horrible shape he's in#actually that's something that kinda makes me mad in the original series#like everyone is rambling on about how Nico gives them the creeps because he's thin and has this haunted look in his eyes#which like... he literally almost starved/dehydrated/suffocated to death after going through the deepest pits of hell all by himself#of COURSE he's gonna look like that#and aside from Hazel (and maybe Percy it's been a long time since I read the books) nobody sees his physical state as sympathetic#they're all focusing on how uncomfortable it makes THEM feel to see someone look like that and taking their discomfort out on him#Especially Frank#not only because he knew Nico before and didn't think of him as scary then#but because his mom was in the military#you can't tell me she never had to explain what PTSD was#It's just... It's all so frustrating (tags via @moa-broke-me)

The thing that gets me is that other than Hazel no one shows anything beyond the vaguest concern for Nico until the Cupid incident, at which point Jason joins her in the "Hey maybe we should be nice to this fourteen year old who went through hell alone and then spent a week slowly suffocating to death" club (but the others do not change their behaviour). Like, they do acknowledge that he's not eating or sleeping, and Percy has that bit where he wonders if something in Nico is broken permanently, but... none of them ever make any attempt to comfort him or help him...? The adult chaperone whose job it is to look after these children makes no effort to step in...? You're right, they all focus entirely on how uncomfortable it makes them to see someone so messed up and don't even seem to consider how awful it must be to be so messed up. Leo and Piper are bewildered when Jason suggests that Leo should cut Nico some slack after he (Leo, that is) makes a shitty joke about Clytius being related to Nico because they both suck all light and joy out of a room! They don't know about the Cupid incident but they do know Nico was in Tartarus; why are they so shocked that Jason thinks maybe making jokes about the child who went through hell both literally and figuratively and is now traumatized to the point that he makes no effort to look after himself sucking all joy from any room he's in is in poor taste? The way the Seven minus Hazel and later Jason respond to Nico is... honestly pretty uncomfortable to read, and makes all of them less likeable as characters as a result. Especially since when Percy and Annabeth return from Tartarus the Seven are all sympathy. Nico's a traumatized child who was held as a prisoner of war slowly suffocating to death for a week after surviving hell on his own, and despite how clearly exhausted and broken that's left him he is still taking them all the way to Epirus and helping out with guarding the ship in transit and any side quests along the way and then shadow-travelling the Athena Parthenos all the way back to Camp Half-Blood even though odds are all he wants to do is curl up somewhere and rest after the multiple ordeals he's been through, and other than Hazel and Jason the Seven can't even muster sympathy? Nico gets less compassion than some of their actual enemies do!

It just feels like a really weird writing choice for Rick to establish that none of these people except Hazel and Jason can muster enough sympathy to so much as not just immediately dismiss Nico as creepy and then not do anything with that, especially since he must've known how popular Nico is.

Actually the really sad thing about the Seven seriously considering leaving Nico to die is that if Nico found out he probably wouldn't even get mad at them, he'd just be like "Yeah that makes sense" because he's so used to people not trusting him that even though it would hurt he'd just accept it as normal.

On the bright side I think Jason especially (Hazel too but she was against leaving him so she's not actually part of this) would be very upset about Nico not being furious at him for suggesting they leave him to die and I feel like that could be a really fun fic. Give me Jason going "Nico please you are my best friend, you should be screaming at me right now, please love yourself just a little bit."

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

Ranch Hand: Chapter 12

Farmer!Veteran!Bucky Barnes X Teen!Reader (Small town and Farmer AU)

Series MasterList

Series summary: You ran away from your nightmare of a family, you found a small town, population 200. In this town you meet a retired army veteran turned farmer who hires you as farm hand. Only mystery will you two be able overcome your pasts together.

Chapter Summary: Bucky starts getting ready for you.

Series Warnings: Mentions nightmares, Child abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, war, swearing, mentions death by cancer, mentions of alcohol and illegal substance abuse. please tell me if you see anymore!!! But do so politely please.

Chapter Warnings: Mentions foster care and foster parents

Divider: @skylightlantern

Bucky hasn't talked or seen you in a few days. You were successfully removed from your mom and stepdad's home. Your step dad was getting charged with, child abuse, assault, and driving under the influence. Your mom was being charged with, child abuse, child endangerment, and assault of a officer. She got into a little altercation with one of the cops, Joaquin Torres, who was arresting her. He's okay luckily just a little bruised luckily Sam, who as arresting your step dad jumped in to help Torres. Because this is a small town they normally only have one or two officers on duty at a time. Nothing too big happens here except bar fights and traffic stops.

On to other news, you're currently in a few towns over with a foster family until Bucky is able to take you in. He immediately started the process. Steve built you a bed, and then refurbished some old furniture for Bucky to use in your room. Bucky couldn't get his mind off of you, he had no clue where you were, and he hasn't got to talk to you. But Ms. Peters assured him that you're safe.

"Buck I need your help carrying the bed up." Steve says walking in. "Buck?"

"Huh? Sorry just thinking. Where is it?"

"In my truck, I took it apart but it's easy to rebuild." He looks at his friend concerned. He doesn't think Bucky should do this. He's having a hard time coming back to himself after the accident. Sure Steve has a hard time sometimes but Bucky, he knows Bucky deals with nightmares every night. Sure some aren't as bad and others but it still takes a toll on Bucky but he won't go to see someone. He knows your gonna be a little messed up in the head too, you probably also have PTSD he just doesn't want Bucky taking on more than he can handle.

"Okay lets get it upstairs then." Bucky said putting his work boots on. Steve follows him out to the truck before the get all the pieces into a small back bedroom. It's next door to Bucky's room. It was empty before, except a few boxes and Bucky's flag that he's been meaning to put on the mantle for month. It's was a beige but Bucky planned on repainting it when you moved in. He just needs it to have the basic necessities, bed, dresser, window closet, but Steve did draw a picture of the farm to hang up in your room.

"It looks good."

"Thank you for your help Steve."

"Of course man." He smiles at his friend.

———

You sigh walking down the stairs. These people were nice but you didn't want to be here. You knew no one, and you just wanted to see Bucky and the animal. You start school in a week and you're not ready, you won't no anyone there. You just want to be with people you know and trust. Luckily you can use your phone now. You had it turned off with the battery taken out of it when you were on the run. But now it's back on and you can text your friends.

You have your own room, and yeah it's nice having a bed, and being able to shower. But you don't have a bike, which you hope is still at Bucky's. Your dad bought you that bike a year before his death.

"Good morning." Your foster dad's, Nathan says smiling. He was a stay at home (foster) dad, currently in they have 2 foster kids, you included and their 2 kids.

"Morning." You mumble sitting at the kitchen table next to your foster sister, Phoebe.

"I talked to your caseworker she gave us the number of the guy who's going to foster you after us!" He says as he gives you the breakfast he made.

"You have bucky's number? Can I have it?" You perk up.

"Of course you can."

"Thank you." You smile. You put the number in your phone, deciding you'll call him later. You eat your breakfast in silence as your foster dad and the other children talk. "I'm going for a walk." You say before leaving the table. You out your shoes on and walked out. You looked at your phone as you walked down the street. You should call Bucky.

You click his contact before calling. You hope that he will answer. You need to hear his voice, you need to know that he's actually trying to foster you. You just need to know you can still depend on him. You don't like depending on people, it never ended well in the past, by you don't have a choice here.

"Yeah?" You smile hearing.

"Bucky? It's y/n/"

"Y/n! They gave you my number! Thank goodness I was really worried about you." Bucky says into the phone softly.

"Really?"

"Yeah. How's your foster home?"

"It's fine I guess, they're nice. But they're just I don't know they try to hard." You say.

"They just want you to be comfortable." He tries to assure.

"I know but I don't want to be here."

"Well then I have good news for you! I'm safety proofing the farm so I can be a foster parent!"

"Why would you have to safety proof if I'm the only person your fostering and I'm 14." You say confused.

"I don't know I chose not to question it. What color do you want your room?"

"I don't care."

"Beige it is! I didn't really want to paint it." He chuckles.

"Mhm. Bucky will you be there at the court hearing? Mrs. Peters said I have to testify against them. I don't want to be in the same room as them."

"Yeah I'll be there in the audience I promise." You smile to yourself as you sit on a bench at this random playground you found.

"Thank you."

"Of course. Steve built you a bed and refurbished a dresser for you. So you're room is almost done! Is until next week to get my house ready cause someone from Cps is going to come check it out."

"Do you think I'll be back in marvel falls before school starts?"

"Probably not. But Steve has a friend, Tony who's mentee is about your age, so maybe I can introduce you to him so you know someone." Bucky offers. "He's an okay guy, I guess but maybe he can introduce you to some people he's lived here his whole life."

"I guess I'll meet him."

"Okay I'll talk to Steve. I don't get along with Tony, so Steve will be a middle man."

"Okay buck I have to go bye."

"Bye Doll text me okay? And call me whenever."

"Okay."

Taglist: @rachaelswrites @killerqueenfan @lukajim @lrosenblut26 @worldssidechick @littleolive24 @mischiefsemimanaged @retiredfromglad @katopotato0 @xennityxen @bucky-boo-bear @thekillingjoke-haha @sunny-the-kitsune @i-have-no-life-charlie @tired-spider-siblings @buckymydarlingangel @ducks1011 @evans-stan-thirstthots @buckysbaaee @amorluzymelodia @hanainneverland @bxtchboy69 @wooya1224 @bubs-world @marvelbabes24 @its-sunflower-stardew @lil-mamas-stuff @ogmisslove @austynparksandpizza @wickedravyn @fluffy-bnny @yoruebeautiful @carmellasworld @icrytomuch @teddybear2luv @krissydclayton93 @devilslilbabysblog @masterof-agony @gamingdevil101 @holybatflapexpert @oceaniamaddness

[gimme-mor]

ACOTAR THINK PIECE: ELAIN ARCHERON, UNTOUCHABLE

*DISCLAIMER*

This will be a long post.

Please take the time to read this post in its entirety and truly reflect on the message I am trying to send before commenting. My goal is to use my background in Gender and Women’s Studies to deconstruct the comments I have seen on Tumblr and Twitter and bring awareness to the ACOTAR fandom.

The reason I am tagging “Elriel” in this post is to call attention to the arguments in the Elriel fandom that: weaponize Elain’s femalehood to shame real life people for their opinions about Elain’s character and her relationship with Lucien; victimize Elain’s character in fandom discussions; and coddle Elain’s character, which limits fandom discussions about her narrative development and prevents the ACOTAR fandom from holding Elain accountable for her actions and inactions in the same way that the fandom holds other characters accountable for their actions and inactions. It is for these reasons that I WILL NOT remove the “Elriel” tag from this post because all of the above points contribute to the toxic discourse surrounding Elain’s character.

I urge those who use these arguments to understand their implications, why they are problematic, regardless of intent, and reexamine their contributions to the ACOTAR fandom. I WILL NOT tolerate anyone who tries to twist my words and say I am attacking people and their personal shipping preferences. In fact, I AM CRITIQUING THE ARGUMENTS THEMSELVES NOT THE PEOPLE USING THE ARGUMENTS.

Also, I highly encourage the Elriel fandom to read this post because it addresses how the concept of choice as an argument enables arguments to exploit social justice and feminist languge in order to vilify Elucien shippers, among other problematic things.

Elain Archeron is one of the most polarizing characters in the ACOTAR fandom. Though opinions about Elain vary, arguments in the Elriel fandom cite society’s perception of traditional female characters in comparison to non-traditional female characters as the reason behind the hate, and this belief is used to provide an explanation as to why other characters in the series are favored over her. In the series, Elain is portrayed in a wholly positive light and this image carries over into the Elriel fandom, painting her character as a good and kind female who has been unfairly wronged and a victim of circumstances that were out of her control. When arguments in the Elriel fandom oppose other viewpoints in the fandom, they fall into one of three categories:

Category 1: Weaponize Elain’s femalehood to shame real life people for their opinions

Maybe people who hate Elain are just jealous of her in a weird way similar to when someone hates the pretty, nice, and charming girl in school just because she is too perfect

Disliking Elain is misogynistic

What happened to feminism? What happened to women supporting women? What happened to she can say no? All of that disappears the second you force Elain to be with Lucien

Elain antis are misogynistic

All Eluciens are Elain antis

Antis claiming they’re feminists when in reality they hate on Elain and Feyre but love Nesta

Elain antis are such sore losers. Y’all were that bunch of people who could not get over being rejected from hanging out with the cool kids so y’all are projecting your hatred towards pretty people now to get validation

I don’t get how Elain’s love for gardening equals boring for some people. I’m sorry your misogyny finds traditionally feminine activities boring

Why are you attacking a female? What did Elain do? Where are your feminist voices?

The fandom is misogynistic towards Elain

If people loved Elain they would ship Elriel

If you hate Elain it says a lot about your feelings toward women

If you hate Elain because she has no “development” then you must hate Azriel because otherwise you’re misogynistic

Eluciens are turned off by the idea of a woman that has the autonomy to reject a man for the simple reason that it is her choice

Eluciens are all about feminism and “it’s HER choice” until it comes down to females not wanting a male

Eluciens don’t respect Elain’s feelings when they ship her with someone that was part of her trauma and makes her feel uncomfortable

The way some Elucien shippers completely disregard how uncomfortable Elain is around Lucien is so hilariously not funny. Prioritizing being mates over Elain’s feelings is just regressive

It’s hard as a fan of Elain to see someone ship her with a person who makes her physically uncomfortable to be around. Wouldn’t you want both characters to be happy to be around each other

Imagine if SJM saw all the awful things her “stans” had to say about Elain

It’s true that we know comparatively little about her, but is she really boring or do you just not value stereotypically feminine traits?

So y’all are just gonna tell me you prefer Elucien over Elriel? Even though Lucien treats Elain as if she’s something that belongs to him? The only reason he wants to be with her is because she’s his mate, he doesn’t respect her, doesn’t treat her as his equal, even though that’s what mates should be? He doesn’t bother to look past what’s on the outside to see her for who she is. And Elain is obviously repulsed by the idea that she should belong to anyone or have no choice in who she can be with. Azriel is her friend and the only person who sees her quiet strength. He has so much faith in her, in her abilities; he’s the one who kept her company when no one else did, he’s the only one who bothered to see her for more than her brokenness. You’re going to tell me you still prefer Elucien over Elriel?

The more I see Gwynriels that ship Elucien out of their hate for Elain, the less I can understand Elain stans that ship Elucien. Pls Elain has made it very clear that she doesn’t want Lucien, why would you ship her with him? Do you hate her too? Smh

The real question would be, if you care and understand Elain why would you ship her with Lucien (where she canonically shrinks when he is near)?

People crying over Helion and Lucien’s mom not getting to be with each other and her being forced into a relationship she didn’t want, but also ship Elucien? Just say you hate Elain

When Elain’s book is out, Gwyn stans will look like clowns and I will laugh because they set her up by shipping her with Azriel just because they hate Elain. Watch them play the victims now because Elriels are clapping back the hate they’ve sent towards Elain

As romantic as wanting girl who is visibly uncomfortable around a guy who caused her trauma to end up with the said guy. Guess their standards for romance are in hell

Category 2: Victimize Elain’s character

Gwynriels only want Gwyn with Azriel because they despise Elain

Gwyn stans and Gwynriels are Elain antis

No one in the books dislike Elain, so why are there so many people who do?

Elain hasn’t done anything wrong or questionable to warrant the hate she gets

Not having Elain’s POV makes it easy for people to be swayed a certain way about her character if you already don’t relate to her in some way

It’s been years since this series came out and we haven’t gotten a lick of an Elain POV, but people still hate her for what? We don’t know her thoughts, dreams, or aspirations

We haven’t even had Elain’s perspective yet and people are passing these judgments off on her

Elain antis who say she’s boring are just cruel when she has obvious symptoms of PTSD like Feyre and Nesta

Gwyn is one of the most overhyped characters and that’s only because most people hate Elain and they couldn’t wait to find a random girl to ship Azriel with

Nesta was abusive to her sisters but Elain (who has only ever been kind) is painted as the villain

From the text we know that Elain is the epitome of feminine stereotypes (gentle, gardening, baking, non confrontational for the most part). Yet people still call her boring or deny that she has any interesting character traits?

You can’t love Nesta and hate Elain

People hate Elain because of internalized misogyny and lack of taste. All the girl does is tend to her garden and mind her business and they treat her worse than Tamlin

Does Gwyn deserve all this support? Of course yes! She is amazing! But where’s that support when Elain was in the same situation as she? Where’s that support for her right now? Why do they idolize Gwyn for her interactions with Azriel and hate Elain for having any interaction with him?

It’s not even a ship war anymore, they just hate Elain

People hate Elain for no reason

Some of y’all don’t like feminine traits and it shows

We know less about Eris and Helion but people don’t call them boring. Why would rejecting femininity make Elain more interesting?

Elain has had a lot forced upon her

The main reason I believe most people love Gwyn so much is to get Azriel away from Elain. It’s not a secret that Elain has been a widely hated character for years so suddenly we get a new female who has a minimal amount of interactions with Azriel and BOOM. New ship that once again doesn’t make sense (just like Azriel x Emerie after ACOFAS)

Elain hasn’t done something so terrible for her to get this hate. At this point some of you are just being misogynistic and you don’t want to accept it. Don’t call yourselves feminists and then say bs like this, it’s embarrassing. She’s pretty and everyone agreed to hate on her

Just a personal feeling, but I feel like a lot of the Elain hate stems from internalized misogyny. That to be a strong female lead, you need to pick up a sword and fight. That to be strong, you need to adapt traditionally masculine traits

Elain is feminine. She is beautiful. She loves to bake and garden. She is docile, quiet, observant, and a people-pleaser. All traditionally feminine traits. Yet for some reason, she’s like the worst in these people’s eyes?

I think also maybe a lot of people can’t relate to her femininity? That her being so beautiful and quiet doesn’t allow for the people who dislike her not to self-insert? Most of the hate stems from people not wanting Elain to be with Azriel. It’s mean, but maybe the people who hate Elain literally just can’t self-insert if they have a story and that’s why they’re vehemently against it?

Poor Elain. The Cauldron dealt her a bad deal. Upon emerging as Fae, she is immediately declared by Lucien as his mate, never mind that she was already engaged to a prick. Her love life is not good

It blows my mind how they really think that they can compare all the shit that Elain gets with some dumb jokes about Gwyn on Twitter (and yes, the “hate” towards her started mostly because Elriels are clapping back, it was bound to happen)

I would think of it as anti-feminist with Elain and Lucien because she has consistently stated that she does not want him so if she was forced to embrace the bond that would be taking away her right to have a choice but with Az she feels comfortable around so if they were mates then Elain would be happy and feel safe which again should be the priority for women to feel safe in their relationships with anything and to not be forced into any type of situation aka the mating bond in this

Category 3: Coddle Elain’s character

Elain has value the way she is, in all her domestic girly glory. Not every character has to be badass

We don’t speak of Elain’s flaws frequently because everyone else already speaks badly of her, mainly in an unfair way

There is definitely something deeper going on with Elain but by no means will she ever be evil or any less feminine. That goes against everything we already know about her

It’s ok to critique Elain because she needs growth but y’all keep forgetting the shit her and her sisters went through

The last “bad” thing Elain did in ACOTAR was not help Feyre when they were impoverished and I’m tired of people acting like she’s a terrible character when it was their father’s responsibility. It happened 4 books ago and Feyre has forgiven both Nesta and Elain

Elain’s character and the evil Elain theory are a great example of the trend where people only consider female characters interesting if they reject femininity

We don’t know enough to hate Elain

Many people want Elain to turn evil (which in my opinion seems to come from a place of internalized misogyny)

However we don’t tend to talk about her faults, at least not publicly, as that has been, and still is, done to death, and I--personally, at least--find it much more fun to theorise about potentially interesting aspects of the overall plot, than dwell on negatives

And ultimately, I would be shocked if Elain has a more karmically-charged story than Nesta, considering that Elain’s “wrongs” are so much less severe and bad than Nesta’s, and Elain has already apologized for them (or paid the price in other ways, like through what Graysen did)

I guess I also think Elain has suffered and been punished enough. I hope her story is about finding hope in terrible situations, and learning to love her new life, and choosing her own path after everything that has been done to her. I don’t think she needs to be punished anymore or face any additional trauma

Also, why is she being judged on her decisions as a human at all? Fae are monsters to humans! They enslaved them for thousands of years, and the Wall was erected to keep them out

Like I’m sorry, but think Elain would want to leave her ONLY FAMILY AND FRIENDS for the Spring Court where she has no one because--oh look, lots of flowers!--is the craziest thing I have ever heard

Her sisters are in the Night Court. Her nephew is in the Night Court. Her closest friends (Nuala and Cerridwen) are in the Night Court. Her love interest is in the Night Court. Her extended family is in the Night Court. Her home is in the Night Court

SJM isn’t going to keep two sisters together and split up the third. Especially not keep Feyre and Nesta together and separate Elain. They were either all going to end up in separate places, or together. Not 2 here and 1 there

Compared to the other female characters in the series, Elain is the only character whose femalehood is at the center of conversations; this is because arguments in the Elriel fandom fixate on it when discussing her character. While Elain, Feyre, Nesta, and Mor are all representations of white womanhood and white beauty, Elain epitomizes the most fragile version of white womanhood. It’s easy to blame society’s perception of traditional female characters in comparison to non-traditional female characters when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elain’s character because it: falls in line with the fixation on Elain’s femalehood to silence opposing viewpoints; is a simplistic explanation that fails to tackle the underlying issues with Elain as a character, the same issues that are downplayed in-universe; absolves Elain of her wrongdoings; prevents the ACOTAR fandom from holding Elain accountable for her actions and inactions within the series; and diminishes the impact Elain’s actions and inactions have on those around her. It’s not that Elain is hated in the fandom because she’s a traditional female character; it’s the fact that arguments in the Elriel fandom deflect a critical analysis of Elain’s character because she’s a traditional female character who embodies the ideal white woman in need of protection. White fans and white-aligned fans of color, especially white women, have a tendency to vehemently defend, gatekeep, and coddle white female characters in fandom; this makes it difficult for other fans to engage in critical discussions about these white female characters because they’re viewed as flawless and all around perfect characters despite evidence to the contrary. Since Elain is viewed positively by the other characters in the series, it has rendered her character untouchable to any perceived slight or criticism in fandom discussions because those negative opinions challenge what has been said about her character thus far. And as a result, her character has been placed on a pedestal and implicitly hailed as the epitome of white womanhood; and when she’s criticized, it’s seen as a direct attack against white womanhood. Arguments in the Elriel fandom: exploit feminist language and perpetuate white feminist tactics under the guise of defending Elain’s character; center Elain in conversations about female oppression in the ACOTAR world and uphold white feminist ideologies in their critique of ACOTAR’s patriarchal society; and use the fragile white woman narrative to victimize Elain in Lucien’s presence, playing into racial biases that are associated with white supremacy’s defense of white womanhood.

Feminism is a social movement that seeks to promote equality and equity to all genders, and feminists work toward eradicating gender disparities on a macro-level, in addition to challenging gender biases on a micro-level. As feminism became more mainstream, a flat and oversimplified version of feminism emerged: mainstream feminism. The mainstream feminist movement is meant to represent all women, but rarely does it center conversations around issues that concern most women. The problem with mainstream feminism is that it’s just a popularized version of white feminism. White feminism has relied extensively on an individualized understanding of women’s oppression, exclusively from the lens of privileged white women. White feminism only focuses on the oppression experienced by white, able-bodied, affluent, educated, cishet women; and it views gender as the key mode of privileged white women’s oppression, isolated from the privileges granted by their other social identities. White women can be and are oppressed under the patriarchy but only because they are women; their identity as women does not exempt them from the privileges granted by their whiteness. The term white feminist does not mean any feminist who is white, but refers to feminists who prioritize the concerns of privileged white women as though they are representative of all women. However, the term is not exclusive to white people. Because white feminism is so pervasive, people of other racial and ethnic backgrounds often buy into white feminism, believing that if they work hard enough, they may be able to reap its rewards.

Just like white feminism, mainstream feminism only recognizes the identity of being a woman, assumes that all women share common experiences of gender oppression, fails to address other social identities in relation to overlapping systems of oppression, and disregards privilege in relation to various social identities. Just like white feminism, mainstream feminism is palatable because it doesn’t seek to challenge the systems in place, instead its goal is to succeed within them. Essentially, mainstream feminism and white feminism are extensions of performative feminism. Performative feminism is a type of performative activism that’s used to describe feminist views that are surface level and solely for the benefit of one type of person. It’s a pretense which often has nothing to do with genuine activism. Arguments in the Elriel fandom normalize and promote performative feminism because the topic of feminism is only referenced when discussing Elain. This indicates that these arguments are engaging in disingenuous discourse to push a personal agenda within the ACOTAR fandom, and it becomes more apparent when they use white feminist tactics to shut down opposing viewpoints:

White feminists weaponize and exploit feminist language to silence the opinions of other women, especially when they’re called out for their problematic behaviors

White feminists use the phrase “Women supporting women” to defend other white feminists who exhibit problematic behaviors instead of holding them accountable 

White feminists weaponize phrases like “Women supporting women” and “You just hate women” to attack other women who disagree with them on any given topic

White feminists use phrases like “All women face challenges” and “Stop pitting women against each other” to sidestep conversations about privilege

White feminists divert conversations away from privilege and towards the Trauma Olympics to equate their struggles to the oppression of marginalized people 

White feminists skirt around the realities of other forms of oppression and discrimination, downplaying the experiences of marginalized people

White feminists diminish or ignore the ways in which gender oppression affects other marginalized people

White feminists paint those they harmed as aggressive, mean, or divisive when confronted with the ways they have harmed a marginalized group

White feminists deflect criticism by focusing on the anger or emotions being expressed rather than the issue that is being discussed, invalidating the concerns of marginalized people

White feminists speak over marginalized voices in an attempt to sound “woke”

White feminists get defensive and insist there’s no way they could be a part of the problem because of what they’ve done to help marginalized groups already 

White feminists say they don’t see color in an attempt to obscure racial issues that need to be addressed

White feminists center and victimize themselves in conversations about racism, which derails necessary conversations from taking place

White feminists who are white weaponize the intersectionality of their race and gender to avoid accountability

Feminism is not meant to be approached from an individualistic perspective nor is it only about addressing the experiences of privileged white women, it involves addressing the intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality, (dis)ability, and other social identities as well; and it involves addressing how these social identities relate to privilege. Moreover, feminism is not about women upholding complete loyalty to other women because of a shared gender identity, and to claim that it does implies that women should be held to different emotional standards than men. If men are able to dislike and criticize other individual men, real or fictional, without their characters being compromised, why aren’t women granted that same privilege?

It’s clear that SJM set up the ACOTAR world to mirror a patriarchal society, and that the imbalance of power between males and females stems from sexism. Arguments in the Elriel fandom analyze the ACOTAR world through a feminist lens to show how ACOTAR’s patriarchal society, to which the mating bond is innately tied, contributes to female oppression and limits their agency. When choice and free will are emphasized as part of Elain’s arc, they imply that Elain, through the mating bond, experiences female oppression under ACOTAR’s patriarchal society because of her identity as a female with that identity being the focal point of her oppression in the world. Elain is one of the most privileged characters in the ACOTAR world: she’s High Fae; she’s the sister of the High Lord and High Lady of the Night Court, which gives her access to wealth and political influence because of that connection; she’s able-bodied; she was magically blessed by the Cauldron; and she lives in Velaris, a place that grants females autonomy and power because of the beliefs of Rhysand and Feyre. Arguments in the Elriel fandom trivialize female oppression in the ACOTAR world because they disregard the fact that Elain’s privileges prevent her from experiencing female oppression in the same way that other marginalized females in the world do. The mating bond being one such example because those around Elain are not forcing the bond on her, instead they’re allowing Elain to reach a decision about the bond for herself; a privilege that other marginalized females in the world probably wouldn’t have. Just because Elain has endured hardships in her life and is a female in a patriarchal society, they do not erase the privileges she holds within the ACOTAR world. The failure to include Elain’s privileges in discussions about Elain being a female in a patriarchal society feeds into white feminist ideologies because white feminism operates from a very narrow perspective; it doesn’t take other intersecting identities into account when it examines gender oppression, leaving no room for discussions about privilege (or lack thereof) in relation to those intersecting identities. When discussing oppression in hierarchical societies, it’s imperative that privilege is also included in the conversation because privilege and oppression are not mutually exclusive; they equally affect the ways in which people navigate those societies through their social identities.

Rather than attributing Elain’s uncomfortability to her new life as a Fae female or the mating bond itself and her trauma to the Cauldron, the King of Hybern, or Ianthe, they’re placed on Lucien to cast his character in a negative light. Moreover, fandom discussions portray Lucien as a possessive character to further emphasize Elain’s discomfort despite the inaccuracy of this characterization in canon. Arguments in the Elriel fandom play into racial biases when it comes to Lucien (a male character of color) because they mischaracterize his character in order to victimize Elain (a white female character), placing her character in the role of the white damsel in distress. In Western society, the concept of womanhood has been conceptualized from a Eurocentric perspective with femininity and feminine attributes favoring white women. It’s the idea that a certain type of femininity is only inherent to white women as they are seen as the embodiment of an ideal womanhood. White womanhood has been a symbol of innocence and purity, and white women have been viewed as fragile beings in need of protection. The reason white womanhood functions within white supremacy is because it’s the same idea that has motivated white men to kill and beat black and brown men. The so-called protection of white women has been used as a justification for the horrific violence committed by white men because black and brown men were stereotyped as aggressive and seen as a threat to the virtue of white women. The white damsel in distress trope considered white women as worthy of protection because of their perceived innocence and purity; women of color were not granted that same treatment because they did not fit into the ideal image of womanhood. Over the years, this trope became a means for white women to exercise limited power in a patriarchal society with white women weaponizing their status as the damsel much to the detriment of black and brown men. It’s through the white damsel in distress trope that white supremacy sustains its dominance in Western society. The misrepresentation of characters of color in fandom, the dismissal of their importance to the overall story, and using them as tools in arguments centered around white characters are the foundation of fandom racism; they’re examples of how racism moves silently in fandom spaces. Instead of examining their behavior and taking constructive criticism from fans of color, white fans will often double down on their bigotry and center their uncomfortability in the conversation when confronted with their complicity in fandom racism. White fans expect fans of color to swallow fandom racism in its many forms in order to not ruin the experience of fandom, dismissing the fact that racism is prevalent in nearly every aspect of society. This mentality ensures that no one is held accountable for the harm they caused and alienates fans of color in fandom spaces.

To reiterate what I mentioned in my first think piece: terms like “oppression”, “the right to choose”, “feminist”, “feminism”, “anti-feminist”, “anti-feminism”, “internalized misogyny”, “misogyny”, “misogynist”, “sexist”, “sexism”, “racist”, “racism”, “classist”, “classism”, “discrimination”, and “patriarchy” are all used in specific ways to draw attention to the plight of marginalized people and challenge those who deny the existence of systems of oppression. Yet these words and their meanings can be twisted to attack, exclude, and invalidate people with differing opinions on any given topic. When social justice and feminist terms are thrown around antagonistically and carelessly to push a personal agenda, it becomes clear that these terms are being used to engage in disingenuous discourse and pursue personal validation rather than being used out of any deep-seated conviction to dismantle systemic oppression. Being an ally, activist, or feminist is not an identity, it’s a practice. It requires: ongoing self-reflection; holding ourselves accountable; listening to marginalized people; educating ourselves; dismantling implicit biases; challenging those around us who are exhibiting problematic behaviors; and action behind our words.

It’s important to be aware of the language that is used within the fandom when defending or critiquing characters and ships. It’s also important to question how an argument is framed and why it’s framed the way that it is to critically examine the intent behind that argument: is it used as a tool to push a personal agenda that reinforces problematic behaviors, or is it used as an opportunity to share, learn, enlighten, and educate?

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Tagging: @spell-cleavers @bookofmirth @m0bulidae @ilya-boltagon

[boldlyvoid]

Intro and masterlist

✨about me ✨

this is a mature blog, I trust all minors to be responsible and avoid everything marked NSFW!

NSFW sideblog: @pervstash-spencer

Hi! my name is emily, I'm 23 she/they

Capricorn, bisexual, non-binary, autistic, and I have fibromyalgia ✌🏻 overall just a fun time y'know.

ao3

i love: supernatural, star trek, marvel movies, criminal minds, this is us and grey's anatomy !!

Accepting requests for Spencer Reid x Reader fics currently

all my tags are listed below if you want to see other posts about said fics, also here is my Spotify for the fics <3

Dad!spencer Masterlist

First times Masterlist**

all links to my fics below the cut!

Updated: July 28th, 2021

** for smut

~~ for angst

Spencer Reid x Reader fics

Hypothetically**~ Ao3 | Tumblr -- 27 chapters, complete. 89k

reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

touch me**~ Ao3 | Tumblr 5.8k

Spencer is incredibly touch-starved and hard on himself since coming home from prison. Luckily, the medical examiner in this small town is really good at reading people, and exactly what he needs.

amethyst you so much P1 Ao3 | Tumblr 6.4k

Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.

of quartz i will P2** Ao3 | Tumblr 6K

after 2 years of dating, Spencer decides it's finally time to get Y/N something to match her Amethyst bracelet.

Amoreena**~ Ao3 | Tumblr Completed 83k

Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Seven* Tumblr WIP

Summary: Spencer’s been married to Y/N for 7 years now, they have 7 children together and each one is going through something different. Spencer’s always wanted to be the best dad, now he gets to figure out how to be.

the guy at the rock show Ao3 | Tumblr 5.6K

Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

journey to Camelot** Ao3 | Tumblr 3.8K

When Penelope introduces Spencer to online games, he expects to be spending his nights alone. Yet, somehow every time he comes back from a bad case, he logs on to chat with the ever so lovely user FairlyGwen and getting a lot more than just a helpful tip from her.

Exploration** Ao3 | Tumblr 4.7K

request: season1/2 spencer walking in on reader while she's watching porn in their shared hotel room

Expedition** Tumblr 1.2K

Summary: there's a first time for everything... including joining the mile high club with your boyfriend on the work jet.

10 Days Ao3 | Tumblr 1.4K

it's spencer's first father's day and he's extremely emotional about the little love of his life that he's only just met. he spends the day with his baby, Edwin, and his wife, crying and happy about how wonderful new little lives are.

ain't it fun?** Ao3 | Tumblr Masterlist 11K

reader just needs an NA meeting before they have a meltdown, they end up with the best friend they could ever make.

I'm not kidding!** Tumblr 6K

Spencer keeps getting little notes from a secret admirer, they're nice and sweet at first as they tease him with their crush until she's sending him notes about all the dirty things she wants to do to him

Perfect Timing** Tumblr 1K

spencer and reader have been spending the last month together in the same hotel room during a pretty brutal case. tension has been rising and she's completely in love with him.

what happens when they both think the other won't be back for a while and they want to shower?

Redamancy** Tumblr 5.4K

the co-op librarian at the FBI Academy has been secretly crushing on the smartest agent in the Bureau, TA, Doctor Spencer Reid, and he's been crushing on her too.

Being Neighbourly** Tumblr 1.9K

Request: reader is Spencers neighbour and she can hear him masturbating every night that he's home how do you have her deal with that?

Professional Hair Dresser (Ph.D)** Tumblr 6.4K

summary: after Spencer's knee injury, he starts visiting a salon every week to get his hair washed

36 Questions to Fall in Love Tumblr 8K

Summary: When Derek bets Spencer that he cant make someone fall in love with him in a week, he doesn’t expect Spencer to marry the girl the next day

New Romantics** Tumblr 23k

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Million Dollar Man** | Tumblr WIP 5k so far

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Sugar, Honey, Ice Tea** | Y/N version | 1-4, 5-9, Epilogue 25.6k

Summary: Fix-it-fic: Dr. Y/L/N and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Prison, Prison Violence, Assault, Blood, Depression, Murder, Self-Hatred, Hurt Spencer Reid, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Drug Addiction, References to Drugs, Drug Use, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Romantic Tension, Forbidden Love, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Strangers to Lovers, Requited Love, Falling In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, past abusive relationship, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault

Spencer x Ethan

Ruin it.** Tumblr 5.4K

Summary: Spencer never had sleepovers as a kid, so now that he's an adult he's always sleeping over at Ethan's house, ad he'll take any excuse to crawl into bed beside him.

Warnings: mutual pining, love concessions, blowjobs, handjobs, anal sex (both top and bottom spencer in this), childhood friends to lovers

400 Celebration fics

Reid Me Tumblr 2.5K

Spencer has noticed a beautiful woman at a spirituality booth at the farmers market every Saturday for almost a whole year now. he finally asks her to give him a reading.

mystery of love Tumblr 700

Spencer surprises his wife with a trip to Italy.

Spy Kids Tumblr 900

Spencer and Y/N's kids think that they are secretly spies and request a mission story before bed.

a father's greatest weakness Tumblr 1K

Princess Y/N is betrothed to the Viking king in an effort by her father to keep the peace between their countries, he doesn't expect her to join in the fight to free Scottland.

Luke x Reader

Best Dad Ever 2.8K

Request: angst with a happy ending, reader and luke have been divorced for a few years but have a child, she tries and tries to fall out of love with him but he's around so often that she can't

Spencer x OC

Sugar Honey Ice Tea** Ao3 | WIP 9/10 chapters complete 25.6K

Fix-it-fic: Dr. Beth Pattinson and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Intro to Criminal Minds: Why They Did It Ao3 | Tumblr WIP 6K+

Spencer is teaching a 7-week seminar on the most interesting criminal cases, explaining their actions to understand why they took place. Only, not everyone in the audience is a student.

Criminal Minds x Mindhunter AU

Spencer x OC Peggy Carr

Franklin x Reader

Voulez-Vouz** | 3.2k

Summary: in a small town, everyone knows each other… or at least they think they do.

Warnings: porn with plot, smut, Dom reader, Sub!Perv!franklin, making out, teasing, face sitting, oral (female and male), hand jobs, overstimulation, prostate message, multiple orgasms, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, let me know if I forgot anything.

Chip x Reader

forever is the sweetest con** | 6.2K

Summary: Reader’s dad is a carpenter; sometimes he takes on apprentices and sometimes, if they’re lucky, they get his daughter’s number at the end of their training. Chip Taylor, however, hits the jackpot when her father invites him over for one of her homecooked meals.

Warnings: reader’s mom passed away, mentions of parental death, strangers to lovers, random acts of kindness, mutual pining, falling in love, steamy make-outs, oral sex (male and female receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, dirty talk, sub!chip, food mentions, praise, love confessions.

Raymond x Reader

Alone Together ** | 2.4K

Summary: Raymond moves into a haunted house and ends up sleeping with the ghost who lives there... only he doesn't know that when you fuck a ghost you also become one.

Warnings: details of suicide and murder, blowjobs, pegging, bottom!raymond, top!reader, becoming a ghost, major character death.

Star Trek Masterlist

Star Wars fix it fic

Supernatural masterlist

thanks for all the love, as always,

-Emily <3

[benthelastskywalker]

Many seem to dislike Rey because they see her as being unnecessarily aggressive toward Ben and mistreating him. While I don’t disagree that Rey is  aggressive, my problem is that they seem to think it’s merely a character flaw, one that they clearly think she should be able to over come. But it is not that simple. Rey isn’t aggressive simply because she chooses to be. She’s aggressive because it is instinctive for her to be so. Rey’s aggression is a survival instinct, one honed from her childhood.

I think one reason it is so easy to over look how bad Rey’s childhood was is because compared to Ben’s, we know very little about it. Ben’s childhood has been expanded upon quite a bit in the extended materials, while Rey’s has pretty much been ignored. But what little we do know is bad enough.

Rey was only six years old when she was abandoned by her parents. Regardless of their intentions (the whole “they abandoned you to protect you” thing is still so ridiculous, I can’t wrap my head around it even two years later), it had to be traumatic for her. It would have been one thing if they had left her on a nice, beautiful planet like Naboo and left in the care of a loving family like the Organas, but even then she would have suffered some trauma. Maybe in that situation, she could have gotten the help she needed to overcome it. But she wasn’t left on a nice, beautiful planet. She was left on a literal desert called Jakku. And she wasn’t left to the care of a loving family. She was left to the care of this guy:

Now growing up in the desert doesn’t have to be a traumatic experience. Luke grew up on Tatooine after all. But he was a moisture farmer. Rey was a scavenger. She had to forge for scrap metal to survive. If she didn’t forge, she didn’t eat. And if someone tried to take advantage of her or steal her finds, she would die. She had to learn to fight, to be aggressive. All to survive. All from the age of six. 

Yes, Rey did eventually leave Jakku, but a change of scenery alone isn’t enough to cure one of their trauma or change their instincts. Survivors of abuse aren’t instantly better just because they got out of the abusive situation. Healing takes time.

Time Rey isn’t really given. The whole course of the sequel trilogy takes place over one year. The first two films take place in a week (tops). One year is not enough time to get over a lifetime of trauma. Especially when she doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Rey doesn’t realize that she is traumatized. She doesn’t realize or understand that when she feels vulnerable she lashes out and that is not healthy.

Is it fair that Ben is the victim of Rey’s aggression? Of course not! But Rey is like those soldiers who come home from war suffering with PTSD and who lash out violently at their families. Neither Ben or those families deserve to be treated that way, but blaming Rey and the soldiers is victim blaming too. Rey is a victim. It’s easy to lose sight of that because Ben’s suffering seems to much worse in comparison. But Rey has her own demons to deal with and is never really given the time or the help she needs to do so.

I know it’s easy to look at Rey and not see the trauma. Adam Driver did such a fantastic job of showing Ben as a man struggling with his past, as someone who is not well mentally. In comparison, Daisy made Rey seem  perfectly normal. So it’s easy to think that she is, that she’s mentally stable and knows the right things to do and just doesn’t do them. But let’s not fall into the trap of judging how well someone is or is not doing based on appearances. Someone people can handle their trauma better than others, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

And let’s also avoid the trap of turning pain, suffering, and trauma into a competition. Everyone suffers. But just because someone appears to suffer more, it doesn’t make anyone else’s suffering any less important or real. My mom had a close friend who had no comparison for my mom’s suffering because in her own mind she had it worse. “You don’t know pain. I have pain!” she said. Don’t be like that. Don’t overlook Rey’s suffering and trauma just because Ben appears to have had it worse.

[kaypeace21]

Will and the car on fire (theories)

*this is just under the assumption this is Will in the pic and not some other character. Which is still very possible .

Why it could be Will (it's for sure possibly not)

But, most of the rebuttals saying it's not Will are iffy. Cause we really don't have much evidence to point to any 1 character. Like the hair counterargument: that the hair is too long to be Will's .Will's s4 body double has a similar hair tuff on the back of his neck. And we know st uses camera shots of the back of Will's neck/silouette ,in past seasons . So doing so here could make sense. And Will of course is the most associated with fire: using fireball for Will the wise in s1 (3 times), the will the wise drawing from s2 had flames on his cloak, Will being being burned in s2,etc.

So...Will looking at lightning. And (Will?) looking at fire. Both have a dark full body sillhouete and red in the forefront .

We also see this character is possibly wearing a watch like Will?

And i've been hearing this a lot here ... but southern california (where the Byers are) does have a lot of trees lol. Not sure why people think otherwise.But, regardless a trip from cali to Hawkins would most certainly have some forrest.

*Also, any movies I’ll be mentioning (in the theories , below) were stated to be inspiration for ST.

So theories...

Theory 1) It's Joyce's car ( and it was rigged  to explode/look like an accident by Brenner or Lonnie). And Will wasn't there but sees it in a nightmare cause it's already happened/or it's a dream vision of the future.

Evidence:  CAR TROUBLES: Joyce’s car model was infamous for exploding in car accidents-being sued by the state of Indianna before the start of the series. We also have Alexi tell murray about a way to cause cars to explode-and turn people into dust (and make it look like an accident). Brenner’s name means “to burn” and he already hurt 1 mother to keep a subject -so not out of the realm of possibilities for him to hurt Joyce (and make it look like an accident to try and get Will and or el). 

In s3, we have Jonathan and Hopper try and fix  the car-and after this cars explode with people inside. Jonathan lifts the car hood- and notices someone rigged nancy’s car . Than,  right after,Billy’s car lights on fire with him inside. With Hopper (he also lifts the car hood) and joyce barely escapes the lit car (but she may not be so lucky next time).

 We also have Joyce tell Will 3x she’s going to be ok... which is a bit overkill if she will be OK ... 

And, notice during the hoodlift we see Will observing- which is similar to Alexi watching and warning them before hand that the car (with Joyce inside) will explode. So it’s possible foreshadowing since Will may predict the future and was was paralleled to Alexi.Alexi ‘can we watch lonnie toons now?. Will : can we play d&d now?

movie inspos: 

It’s hinted s4 will be around Will’s b day: In gilbert grape- Arnie after his b day, has his mom die, and a fire was stagged that lit his mom on fire. ( Before this,Arnie was also raised by his older brother Gilbert cause his dad wasn’t around). stoker-  kid’s parent dies in staged car ‘accident’ on her bday (this allows ab*sive relative closer to kid-since dead parent banned him from seeing kid). The kid  was taught how to hunt, by dad. And is also a painter and bullied at school (like Will). what dreams may come-painter blames themselves for fam dying in freak car accident- the relative was getting a present for them when it happened. so they blame themselves. The descent- also had (right before a b day, the main character’s fam dying in a car accident) .And the sole survivor/family member of the deceased hallucinates a shadow chasing her in a empty hospital hall. Get out-photographer (jonathan)blames himself for mother dying in car accident.

There’s also a lot of other films where the kid (for no logical reason) blames themselves for their mom’s/parent’s death: goodson, dream catcher, analyse this,etc. Of course ... this could simply relate to max and el having survivors guilt after the mall killed their family members (in a fake ‘mall fire’). However, a fake out fire causing  family to die (in s3)  could be foreshadowing for it actually happening in s4?

rigged car explosions: scarface -have guys try and bomb a car with kids and parent inside. backdraft -guy raised by older brother had 1 parent die in explosion and sees the freak explosion occur- later in the film someone rigs a car to explode and masks it as a  freak car accident. Same thing occurs in godfather- he sees family member die in rigged car explosion. The dark knight- rigs car to explode. batman v superman- calls superman a demon and says they need to burn the witch that bore him (aka his mom).

dreams (if in the past): Never ending story (reffed in s3)- starts with kid with bowl cut saying he had another dream about his mother who died. Peanut butter solution- kid has visions in dreams about people he knew who died in fire.  this next movie (emily rose) is  said to be Joyce byers inspo according to Winona - has (kid with 2 personalities) have nightmares from the past  of her and her mother burning in a car fire. while screaming/sleep walking she burns windows with her hands -accidentally using her powers. Some people suspect the videogame “life is strange’ is show inspo too- it has character named max caufield with a ‘never maxine rule’, etc. Anyways in the game prequel queer chloe, who plays d&d, would have dreams/nightmares of her nice parent’s car accident . Despite , chloe not being present for the car accident. After the parent’s death,  she’s stuck with her mean step dad.

dreams (if predicting the future): Will says in s3 Will the wise can see into the future. We also see Will/Will the wise via a dream predict Hopper was in danger-saying  to Joyce “he’s going to die”.  In ‘12 monkeys’ and ‘Rebel Robin st novel’ they mention the myth of cassandra- who could make accurate future prophecies , but was cursed to never be believed by those she warned. In 12 monkeys- he tries warning others of a dreaded event in future- and it’s dismissed as  him being mentally ill. Since, Will’s other abilities were dismissed as his ptsd in s2-and with the Byers fam having a family history of mental illness (they may not believe him over such a prediction). In ‘the ring’-the  movie opens with the guardian saying the boy is drawing the car accident that killed his mom -as a psychological coping mechanism. Only for the teacher to say he made that drawing before his mother’s death (and it’s revealed later the boy is psychic). Terminator 2- sarah conner says she is having future visions, which include explosions, and everyone dismisses it as her being schizophrenic. Like how in s2 a scientist said about Will “let’s see if this boy is a wizard or a schizo”.

If joyce survives the accident she may be hospitlized (and unable to have legal custody). In black swan the girl (with 2 personas) -blames herself for what happened to Winona Ryder’s character (who is in a coma after a car accident. They had had a verbal fight before the accident). In girl with the dragon tattoo- the main character (who is compared to a phoenix and dragon) has 1 parent burned in a fire- and after this her kind guardian is hospitilized so they can no longer take care of her- and she is placed with an ab*sive foster dad (who resembles her bio dad). If Joyce was in a coma - it would further parallel her to terry- and be another willel parallel.

 if dead: Tokyodrift- mom loses custody, and dad who is a mechanic and abandoned the family years ago, later gets custody. Super 8-mom dies in freak accident- douche dad gets custody. Book of henry-mom dies pre-film, ab*sive dad got custody. Outsiders- parents die in car wreck, relative gets custody of teen who he slaps etc.In black swan-girl who blames herself for Winona’s accident is stuck living with ab*sive parent. good son- mom dies, stuck with violent and manipulative relative after this.

Of course-joyce may be fine. And Lonnie may just visit for Will’s b-day and ruin shit that way.

Theory 2) It's an undercover government car that Will uses his powers against in self defense... or in anger after they hurt someone he loves.

Evidence:

Joyce about ‘Will the wise’: If he’s so wise, why does he need the fireballs? Why can’t he just outsmart the bad guys? Will: cause the bad guys are smart too. Joyce: so he needs the fireballs? Will: Yeah, to burn them to a crisp.

* the fact-this flashback happens at a funeral of a Byers, could also be narratively significant as foreshadowing.

Gov agents in s1 are  called “the bad-men” so Will may use fireball on “the bad-guys”(government agents) . Fire has been used on all the other adversaries relating to the upsidedown-so why not the gov agents (aka human villains) next? 2 movies on the inspo list caught my attention: firestarter & carrie (which are both stephen king adaptions with psychic kids who have fire abilities). 

Firestarter- she has pyrokineseis (firepowers) . And unlike every other psychic in the film- she is the only psychic that doesn't get nose bleeds (aka mini brain hemorages) from using her powers (Will). We know el and kali gets nose bleeds.  

(Anger): She only unleashes her fire abilities on gov agents after they kill her parent...

*And uses a literal “fireball” on them.

Could also be another willel parallel. kali about the US gov:" They took your mother away from you!" El str*ngles man from gov agency that incapacitated her mom . El before str*ngling him: " you hurt mama".

(self defense): While  in carrie  she kills people who tried to run her over with a car. And causes the car to explode.

Also, in s3 Steve does technically cause a car to explode to protect Nancy from being run over by a car (so maybe foreshadowing?). I believe, tumblr user ‘bran-who-writes-theoretically” was the first to point out the Carrie/car on fire parallel.

* This car scene could also be added to the list of Willel parallels. El  in s1 uses her powers to flip a government-car upside down. And looks back at it. And it’s a ref to the film Et. So Will causing a government -car to explode and flip upsidedown (referencing carrie) could be a parallel. 

Of course El flipped over a car in s3 to attack the Soviet agents and protect her friends too ( right before losing her powers). Sort of like Steve using his car as a weapon in s3 to protect his friends. so who knows, if not Will, maybe El (wearing a ponytail) got her telekenesis back and she flips the car and it explodes ? To be honest, I just find this explanation too boring, cliche, and predictable. And I still hypothosize the mindflayer took her telekensis (but not her other powers). Since in d&d mindflayers have ‘mage hand’ (what el is called) and ‘telekenesis’/ along with the ability to steal powers from other life forms. But, we’ll see...

Theory 3) The car flips (maybe caused by a deer jumping in the road) and it blows up after the crash- with Joyce inside. And maybe Jonathan survives it/ Will wasn’t there but had a nightmare /vision about it?

Evidence: in s1 Jonathan sees a dead deer that was hit by a car. This could be symbolic : because it related to Jonathan mentioning the hunting story with his dad and how he cried for a week cause he liked the film Bambi. Which in the film : Bambi (a deer) has his mother k*lled. And after his mother’s death, he’s taken in by his douchey dad who was M.I.A for most of his life ,until his mom passed away. And the hunters are the bad guys in the film . In ‘get out’ the photographer , Chris,blames himself for his mother dying in a car accident - and he sees a dead deer hit by a car -and the dying deer was used to symbolize the guilt he has over his mother’s  death. in ‘the long kiss goodnight’ a character is driving home with a friend- they swerve and hit a deer and 1 of them is ejected from the car into the forrest. But their friend is unconscious in the car and it quickly explodes on the road. The survivor turns and sees the car in flames- disoriented they stumble and kill the dying deer. And it’s left ambiguous if they were helping the deer end it’s pain or if it was vengeful-hunting (since it caused the car accident that killed their friend). Cause their face was emotionless from shock.

Even in the st novel "suspicious minds' rabbits- like jonathan was forced to kill on the hunting trip with his dad (around his b-day) represented the bond between mother and child.And the mother sacrificing herself for the baby-to not get k*lled (by Brenner).

-so maybe?? jonathan before he gets the pizza job/car (may have his car break down , like hinted it would in s3).

 So him and Joyce share the car (once his car stops working) and the accident happens while Jonathan is behind the wheel -with Joyce. And after this he gets the job at surfer boy pizza. Billy was a surfer boy and that memory was used to think about his mother who is no longer around (once he's stuck with his ab*sive dad after moving away from Cali). While Jonathan moved to Cali after his mom passed-maybe stuck with Lonnie.Jonathan's actor in recent pics has a blonde mullet - which sort of resembles joyce/Billy's og hair. This may be why he starts doing dr*gs - which is pretty out of character for him- but it could be a coping mechanism(like in the s4 films). One of many examples was 'enter the void'- the older brother was surrogate parent to their lil sibling and after a car accident k*lls his parents , he starts doing dr*gs to cope. Also ‘hunger games’ was on the list- and Katniss (who was a surrogate parent to her litle sibling, like Jonathan is to Will) in the sequel, saw her family die in an explosion. And it really broke her emotionally.

I've mentioned this before but Billy is used to parallel and foil Will and Jonathan. And it may be more than a ... what if Lonnie had custody scenario. But to show how Lonnie (like most ab*sers) will later bring out the worst in the kids (once he does have custody). Like how s3 has Will mimick lonnie with the baseball bat (and we see in s3 Billy being bullied by his dad to play baseball and flashbacks showing him mimicking Neil). I've also discussed how there's a theme with pretty much every character mimicking their parent- for better or worse.

Killing a deer would certainly hint at Jonathan's possible character regression (and mimicking Lonnie to a certain extent). if he not only blames himself for Joyce's death. But is also stuck with his ab*ser.

The animal k*lling motif , and after that, mimicking an a b*sive father is already shown with el. Brenner , in s1,tried to make her k*ll a cat (using her powers) and she refused (similar to the s1 rabbit hunting story of Lonnie forcing Jonathan to k*ll a rabbit ). But in s2, she uses her powers to k*ll a squirrel (and like a deer- it's typical hunting game). Than in s3 el does literally everything Brenner ever asked of her- she spies on people and repeats the words back (like brenner told her to do), she becomes a weapon to ‘fight the commies’ (which was said to be the reason he k*dnapped her in the first place), and when looking into the void to see the mf (she mirrors the words brenner told her - when he made her go into the void to face the demogorgan).

And some s4 movies are literally about being trapped in a house with your ab*ser and slowly losing your mind because of the ab*se and gaslighting- lighthouse , black swan , good son, are prime examples. But movies like scar face , girl with the dragon tattoo, and book of Henry touch on this theme a bit as well. And ordinary people- is about a guy who survived a vehicular accident but his relative in the same accident didn't- and it causes him alot of issues /survivor's guilt.

The shadowy figure could just be Will in the shot - seeing it in a dream before or after it happens?

Theory 4) Will sees a future vision or has his ’now memories’ of someone else's car.

Evidence: i guess the s4 shot parallels El (in s3) spying on Billy while he’s hurting Heather. During that spying scene: the shot is of El near Billy's car. So it’s possibly a diff willel parallel?

If not Will. Who knows ...if El’s telekenesis is gone maybe her spying abilities strengthened and look different because of it (and now she can see background details)?

Theory 5) it's Lonnie's car and Will escapes from the trunk and uses his powers in self defense

Evidence: I’m pretty iffy on this one. This goes back to how people suspected Lonnie took Will in s1 (and could be foreshadowing). Even the recent rebel robin book-has characters say Lonnie probably took Will. Jonathan suspected Will may be at Lonnie’s - so checks Lonnie’s car trunk (to see if Will is there). We also see how the mf in s3, knocked people out by dr*gs/str*ngulation, ties them up, and throws them in a trunk (to k*dnap them). Or how the cops raided jonathan’s trunk- which had stuff to track the demogorgan (and the demogorgan parallels Lonnie) . And after looking in Jonathan’s trunk-they suspected something fishy is going on.

*heather was described as “another me” by Will- who was thrown in the trunk.

movies: “tangled” was on the s4 list- and had an ab*sive parent later try and kidnap their kid ,and that parent ends up dying. in girl with the dragon tattoo (the girl associated with dragons & phoenixes-  lights her  ab*sive bio dad on fire. In ‘drop dead fred’ (girl who is in love with childhood friend, named Mikey, who she met at age 5) lights a imaginary version of her ab*sive parent on fire - while in a trippy memory world. Chrissy accidentally lights her ab*sive relative (nickname “daddy”)  on fire in self defense- in a trippy hell memory scape. in ‘long kiss goodnight- the girl with 2 personalities (Will/will the wise) was kidnapped and put in a trunk and escapes by jumping into a quarry. Not sure if that could relate to a flashback or something else? like in ‘don’t breath’ the older sibling who essentially was a surrogate parent to the younger sibling-mentions how their dad left the family, and her parent would throw her in the trunk for hours as a punishment.

[nothoughtsonlynat]

Resurrect Me: Part 2 (N.R.)

Part One

Huge shoutout to @confusinggemini612 who requested this a loooong time ago and I’m just now getting to it (I am so sorry for the wait). I hope this is what you had in mind :)

Warnings: swearing; PTSD; mentions of suicide/self-sacrifice

Word count: 2.6k

EIGHT MONTHS LATER

The cool breeze blows through my hair, the hand in mine being the only source of warmth in the chill of the Russian countryside. As we walk closer, a chorus of pigs snorting fills my ears. Natasha had given me a brief rundown and a quick pep talk before taking me to meet her family. Now, it was game time.

“Are you ready?”

“Not in the slightest,” I respond to the redhead.

“Let’s do it then,” she says with a smirk, to which I reply with a scoff.

We walk through the gate and enter the small house, immediately hearing three distinct voices, each laced with a thick Russian accent. The voices hush as the door closes behind us, and a blonde woman is the first to greet us.

“Ah, сестра! Mom and Dad are flirting again, let’s make a run for it,” Yelena whisper-yells.

“So put a sedative in their vodka or something, I don’t know,” Natasha replies. I’m not sure if I should introduce myself or not, so I just stand there awkwardly.

“They are both spies, they’re not going to fall for- actually, Alexei would, but Mom would never fall for that,” Yelena pauses as she notices me. She looks me from head to toe and squints before her lips quirk into a smirk. “And who might this be? Is this your little girlfriend?”

“Yelena, don’t be an ass,” Nat grumbles with a scowl.

“Hi, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.”

Yelena hums before turning back to Natasha. “She’s definitely your girlfriend.”

“Oh shut up,” Natasha whines, walking further into the house. I look at Yelena and nod in confirmation before following Nat. I hear her whisper “I knew it” from behind me, causing me to laugh. Natasha turns to give me a questioning look, but I just brush it off with a shrug and a smirk. She narrows her eyes and opens her mouth to say something, but is cut off by a deep, booming voice.

“Natasha! Welcome home! Look at this, all my girls back together again! It is so nice to see you,” Alexei says, moving forward to pinch Natasha’s cheeks. She gently pushes him away with a scowl, and I can’t tell if she’s really uncomfortable or not. Either way, it brings my guard up, ready to defend her.

“And who might this be?” Alexei questions, turning to face me.

“Dad, this is Y/N,” she says before I can answer. I offer a kind smile.

Yelena, who had made her way to the kitchen table with a bottle of vodka, says “She’s Natasha’s girlfriend.”

“Thank you for the input, Yelena,” Natasha says with a tight-lipped smile.

“Girlfriend, huh? When did that happen? Natasha, I was not aware that you, uh, how do you say? Swing that way?” A dark-haired woman slaps his arm for his comment and he exclaims, “Ow!”

“Pay him no mind, Natasha. He is a bit slow, but Mama always knew. You were not very discreet about the way you looked at that Hannah girl in Ohio. And as for you, it is nice to meet you. I’m Melina, what is your name?” Her demeanor is friendly, but her gaze is skeptical. She’s probably already planning how to kill me if she decides that I’m not good enough for her daughter.

“I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you, too,” I say with a nervous smile.

“Alright, guys, that’s enough. Please stop harassing my girlfriend,” Natasha says with a sigh.

“Come, sit,” Yelena commands with a wave, still sitting at the kitchen table.

I sit across from her and Natasha sits next to me. Melina and Alexei follow soon after, with Alexei sitting at the head of the table and Melina sitting next to Yelena.

“Here you go,” Yelena says as she slides me a shot glass full of vodka. I clink it against hers in the air and down it in one go, grimacing at the burn. “Are you alright?” Yelena asks with a smirk, clearly enjoying my agony.

“Oh, yeah, I’m great. Just not used to Russian vodka, that’s all.” Yelena nods, satisfied with my answer, before going to pour me another shot.

Natasha stops her by saying, “Yelena, no more vodka. You’re going to kill her.”

“You’re no fun,” the younger sister says, but complies, nonetheless.

“Natasha, you are slouching again. Sit up straight,” Melina interjects.

“Mom, I’m not slouching. I told you I don’t slouch,” Nat protests.

“So how did you two meet?” Yelena asks, interrupting the banter.

“Oh, we met in New York during the invasion, when the Avengers were formed,” I answer.

“You are an Avenger! I knew you looked familiar. Tell me, does Captain America ever mention me, the great Red Guardian? I could kick his ass, you know. I’ve done it before,” Alexei says, causing the three Russian women to groan and complain.

“That never happened, Dad,” Yelena mumbles at the same time Natasha says, “He doesn’t talk about you because you guys have never met.” 

I raise my eyebrows at them. They seem awfully familiar with this conversation; how often does Alexei say this crap?

“So, Y/N. What happened when you guys brought everyone back? How did you do it? Natasha won't tell me,” Yelena questions. I chuckle nervously, glancing at Natasha, who is clearly uncomfortable with this topic of discussion.

“Um, I don’t know if I should… It’s complicated, really,” I say, trailing off.

“Yelena, stop. It doesn’t matter. And don’t put her in the middle of things,” Natasha responds, defending me. An awkward silence fills the room until Alexei speaks up again.

“He really hasn’t mentioned me? Have you even asked him about me?”

<//>

“Why won’t you tell them what happened?” I ask quietly. It’s nighttime now, and I’m lying in bed next to Nat in the guest room. She seemed so uncomfortable, and it’s been worrying me since.

“They just don’t need to know,” she replies shortly

“But they got snapped away, Natty. Don’t you think they deserve more of an explanation than what they’ve seen on the news?”

“Don’t tell me what to do with my family, Y/N.” Her sharp tone feels like a blade to the heart, but I take a deep breath and soften my resolve, knowing that she’s only snapping at me because something else is upsetting her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push. I just, I can tell that something is upsetting you. You can’t just bottle stuff up, Nat. It doesn’t have to be me if you’re not comfortable, but you need to talk to someone about it.”

She doesn’t respond immediately. “I’ve told them. I gave them the basics: Thanos snapped people away, we time traveled, got magical stones, snapped people back, and then killed Thanos. That satisfied my parents, but Yelena wants to know the whole story.”

“And you’re not comfortable retelling it?”

“Parts of it are bearable, but… I can’t think about it. You almost killed yourself for me, Y/N. You did die for me. I can’t think about that day, let alone tell my baby sister about it,” she says. Her voice is quiet, breaking as the tears flood her eyes. I pull her head into my chest and run my fingers through her hair.

“I’m right here, Natty. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. You don’t have to tell anyone about what happened. I was terrified of losing you on Vormir. I hate talking about it, too.”

“Is that why you went to Dr. Garcia?”

“Partly. There were other reasons, too.” I hesitated before continuing. “I kept hearing the tortured screams. When I slept, in my head, everywhere I went. I heard them all the time. And I would get random whiffs of burning flesh. As you know, I went to the Underworld when I ‘died’ and I guess it just affected me more than I had originally thought.”

“Angel, why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped.”

“I didn’t want to worry you, or freak you out. The whole thing was pretty weird. For a while, I honestly thought I was haunted. It was probably pretty selfish, but I didn’t wanna scare you away.”

“You could never scare me away. But just to be clear, you aren’t haunted, right?”

I laugh quietly. “No, I am not haunted. A mild case of PTSD, but I’m doing better now. The therapy helped a lot.”

“Do you think it would help me? I still get nightmares sometimes...of you going over that cliff. I just, I close my eyes and you’re gone, and I hate it.”

“I’m so sorry, my love. I hate how much pain I’ve caused you. But I do think it would help. We can find someone when we get back home, yeah?”

“Yeah. I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, Natty.”

<//>

“Just do it! It will be fun! I will go easy, I swear,” Yelena begs.

“Okay, fi-”

“No! No way in Hell. You are not sparring with her,” Natasha argues.

“I’ll be fine. Worst case scenario, she kicks my ass,” I say.

“Actually, I’m pretty sure the worst case scenario would be if I accidentally killed you,” Yelena says flatly. “But that won’t happen! Please, Natasha. I want to see what she’s got,” she pleads with a pout.

Natasha sighs and rolls her eyes, muttering something under her breath about us being a bunch of children. “Fine, but if you so much as scratch her-”

“Y/N will be fine. Come on,” Yelena says, grabbing my hand and dragging me into the backyard.

Thirty minutes later, I’m flat on my back in the grass, wheezing. I groan as I attempt to sit up, the whole world spinning as I do.

“Yelena! What the hell did I say?! You literally threw her,” Natasha yells.

“No, no. I’m good,” I say weakly.

“Well, I wasn’t expecting her to be so...defenseless.”

“I am not defenseless,” I counter.

“You cannot even throw a punch,” the blonde deadpans.

“That doesn’t make her defenseless,” Nat says as she helps me to my feet. “She could take every single one of you out right now without even moving.” 

From a few feet away, Melina quirks an eyebrow and Alexei mumbles “she could not take me out.”

“You are delusional, Natasha. How are we supposed to trust this woman to protect you when she cannot even protect herself?” 

“She can protect both of us just fine, Yelena. Not that I need anyone’s protection.”

“Your sister has a point,” Melina tells Nat. “Sorry, Y/N,” she adds. I open my mouth to speak, but don’t even know what to say. This is my worst nightmare.

“You must be able to punch when you are in trouble! Much like I did to Captain America back in the day,” Alexei adds.

“Alright, enough. I’ll have you know that Y/N is one of the most powerful Avengers. Actually, she’s a literal goddess,” Natasha snaps.

“Well, of course you would think so. You are her girlfriend,” Melina says.

“Guys, I’m being serious!”

“Do not get snappy with us. We are just looking out for you,” Alexei says.

“I don’t need-”

“Somebody has to be there to keep you safe, and this girl could not bring harm to a plant,” Melina remarks. 

“I’m literally standing right here,” I mumble under my breath.

“She literally saved my life! How is that not keeping me safe?!” My eyes widen; what happened to not revealing that tidbit of information?

“What do you mean? You saved her life?” Yelena asks as she turns to address me.

“If it wasn’t for her, I would be dead right now. And you guys never would’ve come back,” Natasha retorts, clenching her jaw.

“What? Why? What happened,” Yelena rambles. I can see the worry etched on her face, and it makes her look oddly childlike. It almost makes me want to pull her into a hug, but I’m fairly certain she’d throat punch me if I tried.

“On a planet called Vormir. A life needed to be sacrificed to get one of the Infinity Stones. It was me, Clint, or Y/N. I tried, but Y/N stopped me. That’s what I mean.” Natasha is seething. She clearly didn’t appreciate her family’s doubts.

“You tried to kill yourself?” Yelena addresses Natasha, but no one has the chance to answer her before Melina speaks up.

“If you sacrificed yourself, then how are you here?”

“It’s complicated,” I say with hesitance. “I am technically a goddess. I have many different powers, but most of them deal with death. When I died, I went to the Underworld, where I met my mother, Hecate, who is a goddess. Then, I came back. Resurrection is one of my powers. I know it’s a lot to take in, but that’s the truth.”

It’s silent for a minute as everyone processes my words. Everyone is staring at me with bewilderment, except for Yelena, who hasn’t taken her eyes off of her sister. Her eyebrows are furrowed, and a deep frown rests upon her lips.

“You tried to kill yourself?” Yelena repeats, this time only a whisper. Natasha finally turns to look at her younger sister and her mouth bobs open and closed, seemingly unsure of what to say.

“I didn’t have a choice, Yelena,” Natasha finally says.

“You saved her?” the blonde asks me.

I hesitantly nod my head. “Yes, I guess I did.”

“Thank you,” she whispers, giving a curt nod before turning and walking mechanically back into the house. I awkwardly clear my throat and turn my gaze to the ground.

“Will you show us?” I raise my head to look at Alexei, confusion crossing my features at his request. “Will you show us your powers, I mean.”

“Dad…” Natasha warns.

“No, it’s okay. I can show you a little bit,” I say, right before teleporting away. I watch from a hill in the distance as Alexei looks frantically around him. I can hear him asking where I went, which makes me laugh.

I teleport into the house and walk around, looking for Yelena. I walk into a bedroom and find her sitting on the floor with a bottle of vodka. “Hey, are you okay? We didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m fine. Because learning that your sister almost died and there was nothing you could’ve done to prevent it is so much fun,” she scoffs.

“I’m sorry. We probably could’ve broken the news a bit softer.” I sit on the ground next to her, leaving about a foot of space between us.

“It’s not your fault,” she murmurs. “I’m sorry for doubting you.”

“Don’t be. I am a horrible fighter,” I joke. She chuckles slightly, nodding in agreement.

“That you are. Can I see some of your magic, or whatever it is?” I hold out my hand and black mist dances above it with eerie elegance. I close my fist as it fades away, lowering my hand.

“Cool,” she says with a crooked smile. We hear the front door open and three sets of footsteps entering the house. I hear Nat calling my name.

“You okay?” I check one last time.

“I’m good. Thank you, Y/N, for saving my sister.”

“I’d do anything for her, Yelena. You don’t have to thank me for it.”

The bedroom door opens and Natasha’s head pokes in. “Y/N, we thought you’d completely left for a minute. Everything okay in here?”

Yelena and I look at each other and I look back to Natasha, overwhelmed with love for the redead. I smile and say, “Yeah, everything is just fine.”

[martianbugsbunny]

OUAT Thoughts Pt.55--Episodes 23-1

I have watched through S6E1; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

—You seriously have to be next-level stupid to look at the story of Jekyll and Hyde and think ‘gee, what a good idea! Let’s do it again!’

—That part where Henry got New York to believe in magic had mega Buddy the Elf vibes. Which, by the way, is one of my favorite Christmas movies, I can’t wait to watch it soon.

—Speaking of inconsequential tangents, the hotel Rumple was staying in was called Hotel D’or. Which amused me because of Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask. The location in that game was called Monte D’or. And that video game had story for days, let me tell you. I loved playing it, my sister loved playing it, we both cried at the end…good times.

—Henry deciding to destroy magic without consulting either of his *MAGICAL* moms about it was so dumb. How did he not consider that in a family like his, destroying magic would have consequences?

—I’m very glad the no-magic thing didn’t last very long.

—Regina and Rumple are giving some very interesting counterpoints on the concept of light and darkness. Regina’s got the right spirit, in wanting to act according to the light, but the wrong idea. You can’t just destroy the darkness in you, it’s impossible. Rumple has the right idea, in accepting that he has both light and darkness in him, but he’s a little too quick to act according to the darkness. It’s about that balance between knowing the darkness and wanting the light. It’s part of why bringing in Jekyll and Hyde at this specific juncture is so smart.

—Tbh, if I were Rumple, I would just lay down on the floor and waste away. He’s lost his son before birth. He’s basically the best man he can be and Belle still doesn’t want him. He’s lost basically ever person he’s ever loved, and some of it is on him. It’s terrible.

—That vision of Emma’s future has me stressing. There must be a reason we didn’t get to see the face of her killer. Also, the magic that person used was red—the same color as Rumple’s magic. And that robe was so Dark One-esque I thought it was PTSD about the time all the Dark Ones invaded Storybrooke.

—On the bright side, Emma’s killer is not: Snow, Charming, Henry, or Hook.

—It’s nice that we’ve decided Robin is at peace. The idea of just ceasing to existence is literally the scariest thing I can think of, so not having to think about it anymore is good. Also, it’s better for him and Regina.

—YES! Archie returns! And in full force, with dog, coffee, and an offer of help. How do I love Archie? Let me count the ways.

—Actually, Hyde’s old realm was a lot cooler than Storybrooke. I mean, no offense, I love Storybrooke, but that place looked amazing. I want to say the genre is like, sci-fantasy? It’s kinda if sci-fi, but with fantasy instead of fi? There’s gotta be a name for it, but I haven’t got a clue.

—I’m really living for this portrayal of Jekyll and Hyde. The dynamic is both sinister and intimate and there’s an underlying helplessness on Jekyll’s part and violence on Hyde’s, and it’s just right. 10/10

—Are we finally getting some Aladdin stuff? It’s about time! Heck, Jafar riding the magic carpet through the desert shooting magic lasers at a random guy is worth the wait on its own.

—I really hope that Oracle girl isn’t the only important thing we get out of Agrabah. She’s kinda basic.

—I’d love to know more about what makes Aladdin a Savior. Sure, he was the hero of his movie, but not really Savior-level hero.

—I adore Iago. He’s such a pretty bird. :)

—Snow and Regina being friends now makes me happy. They missed out on what could’ve been a great mother-daughter relationship back in the day, but at least they have each other to lean on now.

—If I don’t become insufferable about Dr. Jekyll, then I’m doing it wrong. He is just adorable! I love his glasses, and his fancy semi-Regency clothes, and his genius brain….And his personality hits the sweet spot. I’m realizing right now that I have no clue how to really describe him, which annoys the heck out of me because he really does strike a chord with me.

—I adore that fluttery feeling when there’s a new character to love. Eventually it melts into the deeper connection that makes it so terrible when bad things happen, but the initial stage is fun too. And it reappears a little bit every time you get to see a slightly older character in a new outfit—mega bonus points! But the flutters? Yeah, I need those.